Crying Lullaby
by onlyyoujarly
Summary: Sam's greatest dream comes true in the worst way. Sam-centric. Lusam. Jasam
1. Breath Me

**A/N-I know, I know. The last thing I need is another story to complete, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone. I promise all of you that are reading my other fics, they WILL be finished, eventually...lol. Anyway onto the chapter...Read and Review. :)**

**Warning- This story will deal with some subjects that might be offensive so some...so consider yourself warned. **

**Summary- What if Sam hadn't of been rescued by Jason and Lucky so soon...? **

**Note- Normal print is current time. Italics are flashbacks. And underlined is the song "Breath me" By Sia. A beautiful song. **

**So I hope you enjoy it...and leave me some love...alright? ;)**

Sam stared at the small plus sign as it appeared on the white strip clenched tightly in her shaking hand. It just wasn't possible. She wasn't capable of having a baby. But yet the plus sign was there, peering up at her, taunting her. Anger surged through as she threw the test against the bathroom wall. It had been two months since she had been with Lucky. That meant, oh god. She let out a strangled breath as she gripped the sink, trying to stable herself. Her greatest dream was coming true in the worst way. Unwillingly her mind flashed back to that terrible night.

"_No!." Sam screamed, kicking and flailing, as her jeans were ripped from her legs. She swung to hit him in the face, only for him to capture her small hand in his larger one and press, what she found to be, a sickening kiss to it. She tried to pull her hand away, but his grip tightened as he pinned it above her head, kissing her forcefully. _

Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Swallowing harshly, she clenched the sink tighter, her knuckles turning white, as a combination of sad and angry tears ran down her face. Closing her eyes, she tried to imagine Lucky and his body joined intimately with hers. Then those lips she adored, the same lips that had brought her such pleasure, she pictured them pressed to her swollen abdomen, and she was pregnant with _their _baby. A heart wrenching cry emitted from her as she released the sink and sunk to the cool bathroom floor.

_Sobs tore through her body as she attempted to push her attacker off of herself. He pressed his weight painfully against her body, trapping her free hand between them. Her pink blouse was forcefully torn from her body, buttons flying. _

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me

"Lucky." She whispered his name, every fiber of her was yearning for him, needing him to hold her. Her hand naturally went to her stomach, as she silently prayed that this baby was somehow miraculously Lucky's, even though she knew it wasn't possible. A bitter laugh erupted from her course throat. After trying several times to have a baby with Jason, and having unprotected sex with Lucky on an almost daily basis for months, she still managed to have her monthly visitor. She just wasn't fertile. But as soon as some creep touched her, she was impregnated. What was wrong with her? Was she incapable of having a child out of love? Was that too human for her too accomplish?

_Pinned beneath her assaulter, covered only in her bra and panties, Sam attempted to wiggle free of his grasp. Kicking and screaming, she was well aware that her movements were only turning him on more, which disgusted her. Roughly her bra and panties were wrenched from her small form, leaving her bare. _

Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Obviously. She closed her eyes at the thought. She was having some murder's baby. Her eyes shot open, as she sprung to her feet, forcing herself to look in the mirror. She wiped frantically at her tears, and shook her head. "No." She whimpered. "No." She repeated, louder. "This is my baby." Not his.

_She was crying so hard, she could barely breath, as he struggled to strip himself of his jeans and boxers, not even bothering to get off her. "Please, no." She whispered, her voice cracking. She sounded, so broken, she could barely even recognize her own voice. _

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me

"Not his." She said it aloud, not quite believing it. "Mine." She whimpered, tears gathering in her eyes and overflowing down her now red face. Her knees buckled, and she half expected to feel Lucky's warm arms wrap around her, instead she hit the hard linoleum. She focused on the sharp pain that shot through her legs in an attempt to not feel.

_An intense pain coursed through her entire body as he rammed into her, causing her to scream in pain. She remained tense during the whole thing. She didn't move until she felt his weight lift off her. _

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up

She tried desperately to get some type of control of her emotions, but failed as tears continued to fall down her face, uncontrollably.

_Even after her rapist had left, zipping his pants, and then walking away like he hadn't just destroyed her words, Sam remained where he had left. Curling into a ball, she pulled her knees to her chest, wanting nothing more to cry, but no matter how she tried she couldn't. So she sat there, unmoving, her shattered clothes surrounding her, as she buried her face in her legs. _

And breathe me


	2. Elizabeth's Everything

\/p>

-1Pressing the heal of her hands to her eyes, Sam willed herself to stop crying. Jason. His name was unwelcome and unsuspected, as she suddenly found herself missing him. And the fantasies of Lucky merged with memories of Jason. Dancing Jason. Smiling Jason. Laughing Jason. Jason placing his hand tenderly to her pregnant stomach. Her Jason. 

_The cold air was harsh on her naked tender flesh, and caused goose bumps to rise. But she made no move to redress herself. Instead she remained in her fatal position, rocking slowly back and forth, as rain began to trickle slightly. _

Unfaithful Jason. Hurt Jason. Angry Jason. Violent Jason. Hateful Jason. Lying Jason. Not her Jason. Not anymore. Removing her hands from her face, she allowed the tears to freely fall. Not her Lucky. Elizabeth's Jason. Elizabeth's Lucky. Her eyes closed on their own accord, as the recollection of Lucky shutting the door in her face, and her crumbling in a heap of tears on his front step. 

_The rain fall began to pour heavier. Each drop felt like fiery ice on her back, but she embraced the numbness it provided. _

Elizabeth's everything. Anyone or anything Sam had loved, Liz had found a way to rip them away. But not this baby. This baby was hers, not Liz's. Not Jason's. Not Lucky's. Hers. Not Jason's or Lucky's, the thought repeated itself, and she found herself wanting to scream their names. No, not theirs. But Liz had both Jason and Lucky's son. Cameron and Jake. Such beautiful boys. She wondered if Lila would have played with them. If Jason would have stayed, for _their _daughter.

_The rain seemed to cleanse her as she was finally able to produce one tear. It fell, lazily down her cheek, accompanied by droplets of rain, as she raised her head from her knees. _

Her hand moved to touch her stomach, but was paused by a sudden hand on her shoulder. Startled, she jumped, and looked over her shoulder at Lucky. "Sam." He said her name, concerned. He extended his hand, offering her his help, which she accepted. Her small hand clenched his, as he pulled her to her feet. Between her tears and his nearness, she lost her balance, and sighed when she felt Lucky's hands on her waist pulling her toward him. "What's wrong?" 

_Finally she looked around, and tears streamed down her cheeks at the sight. Her clothes, torn, thrown all around her. He had stolen her dignity. That bastard. A warm hand tentatively touched her arm, and her whole body tensed, as she withdrew from it. "Please don't hurt me." _

Lucky's only answer were sobs, as he led the small brunette into the living room. Wordlessly, he sat her on the couch, and kneeled down in front of her. One hand on her cheek, the other covering her hands, he attempted to reach her. "Sam…" He was desperate, but her response was once again more tears. Not knowing what else to do, he pulled her into his arms, and rocked her. 

"_Sam. Oh my god." She relaxed at the familiar voice. "Jason." She whimpered his name, as he quickly removed his leather jacket, and wrapped it around her. He picked her up, and she clung to him, suddenly hating the rain. It reminded her too much of happier times, with him. _

They remained like that for a while. Entangled together, on the floor, her sitting on his lap, barely able to breath from crying so much. He didn't question her about anything, because he knew she wasn't ready to answer. 

_Sam felt him shift her in his arms, in order to maneuver his cell phone, so he could call Max. Her small hand wrapped around his wrist, halting him. "Jason, please. Don't." She whispered, her voice broken. Jason looked at the small woman in his arms, and wanted to rip the ass, who did this to her, apart. "I'm not ready for anyone to know." He wet his lips at her request, but nodded. _

She closed her eyes as Lucky's fingers tangled themselves in her hair, massaging her scalp lovingly, as she buried her face in his neck. His familiar scent brought her some comfort, but the knowledge of her new found pregnancy, had her hand moving to her stomach. In the last few hours her abdomen seemed to have become her hand's favorite spot. 

_Jason set Sam on her feet, allowing her to use him for leverage, as he bent down to gather her torn clothing. He closed his eyes at the harsh thoughts the battered clothes brought to his mind. He was going to kill the son of a bitch. _

For a moment, Sam considered kissing Lucky, seducing him, having sex with him then and there. He still loved her, that was clear, and she could easily convince him the baby was his. But she would never do that. She couldn't do that to him. She wasn't Liz. A new rush of tears escaped her swollen eyes, as she tightened her hold on him. 

_He kneeled down in front of her, as she gripped his shoulders to keep her balance. Her jeans in his hand, he gently lifted her left foot from the ground, slipping it into the pants, before doing the same with the other. Dragging his eyes up her figure, he finally settled on her brown orbs, which were misting with tears. How could anyone do such a thing to this gorgeous woman? _

Lucky pressed a kiss to Sam's forehead, wanting nothing more than to take away her pain. He pulled away from her just enough to wipe away her tears. She pressed her lips together to keep from sobbing, as he ran his hands up and down her arms. "It's okay." He whispered. "Everything's okay." 

_Effortlessly, Jason lifted Sam off her feet, and sat her on the rough dirt. Once again he lifted her slender legs, one by one, working them into the wet denim. Wordlessly, she lifted her hips off her the cold ground, as he placed a on hand on her waist to help her keep them up, using the other to pull her jeans on the rest of the way. _

"No." She disagreed, her voice quiet, and cracked. "It's not, and it won't." Lucky pulled her closer to him at her response. It ate at him to know Sam was hurting, but he wouldn't push her. When she was ready, she would tell him, and he would be there for her. As a friend or lover, it would be her choice. 

_With ease, Jason returned her now jean clad hips to the ground, before looking up at her, startled at their closeness. He heard her breath in, but wasn't aware of her exhaling, and could have swore she was holding her breath. Their noses brushes, as tears, accompanied by rain, escaped her eyes. He reached up to wipe them away. _

She closed her eyes, refusing to think at that moment. Wanting to just get lost in Lucky. She moved her hand from her stomach to tangle it in his shirt, curling into a ball. 

_He moved in closer to her, barely brushing his cheek with hers. Every fiber of him was demanding for him to kiss her, but when a sob escaped her lips, he pressed his lips to her cheek instead. He couldn't take advantage her. Desperately she clutched him, as he wrapped her in his arms, pulling her to her knees. "Jason." She half mumbled, half sobbed his name, and his arms tightened around her. _

\/p> 


	3. You Saved Me

-1Lucky had left a little over twenty minutes ago, leaving Sam alone to mull over the idea of birthing a monster's offspring. She ran her thumb over the numbers of her phone. Should she?

_Jason climbed to his feet, Sam in his arms. Her face was buried in his neck, and her tears wetting his shirt. He began to walk, and it wasn't until he placed her on the familiar sofa, that she realized he had carried her all the way to the Pent House. Her eyes watered as she studied the familiar surroundings. It looked so empty now, without the pictures of them, and the little things that he had trashed because they reminded him of her. _

The numbers dialed themselves, and the phone pressed itself to her ear, as a woman answered, her voice monotone. "PC Abortion Clinic. How may I help you?" Sam paused, what was she suppose to say. 'Can you please kill my baby?' or 'I was raped. I don't want my child.' She was gripping the phone so tightly her hand began to shake. "Hello?" The woman asked. "When is your soonest appointment?" She forced out the question, and already she felt that familiar sense of regret, loneliness, emptiness. It was how she felt after she lost Lila.

_Jason, concerned, sat on the edge of the couch, rubbing her ankle lovingly. Sam closed her eyes, not being able to remember the last time he touched her in anyway. "Sam, is there anything I can get you?" She shook her head, settling back into the cushions. "I just want to sleep." He nodded, and got up from the couch, taking his hand with him. _

"Tomorrow. 9 A.M." Sam cleared her throat. "That's perfect." The woman said a simple thank you before hanging up, leaving Sam, once again, alone.

"_Jason." Her voice was quiet, but he heard her. "Yes, Sam." She swallowed. "Can you stay with me?" He sighed, looked away from her, nodded, and sat down in the recliner. "Yeah." There was a short silence before her vulnerable voice cut through it. "Promise?" He smiled sadly. "Yes, Sam. I promise. I'm not going anywhere." _

Tears escaped her eyes, as Sam grabbed her jacket and hurried out the door. She walked, walked, and walked, allowing her heart to lead her to the place she needed to be.

_Sam wanted to smile back, but couldn't bring herself to. "Thank you…" She whispered, out of nowhere. His forehead creased in confusion. "For what?" He asked. She shrugged. "For everything. Saving me tonight." He raised his eyebrows. "I didn't save you, I just found you." She sighed. "Trust me. You saved me." There was a long pause before she added. "And thank you for loving me, even though I know you still don't. You taught me that I am worth it…just…thank you." His mouth opened as he struggled to respond. "Sam…" He breathed deeply. It had been such a long time since she had been vulnerable with him, opened up to him. "You are worth it." _

Her breath hitched as she reached her destination. 'Baby Girl Mccall' was etched across the small stone. Sam's knees buckled, and she fell to the ground in front of her little girl. Her fingers outlined the inscription Jason had picked out for the tombstone, for what seemed to be the thousandth time since her child was put to rest.

"_Yeah." Sam whispered. Jason shook his head. "Sam, really you are." He closed his eyes, and stopped himself from saying anything more. He was with Liz now. They had a son. Her eyes welled with tears that he tried to ignore, as he leaned his head against the recliner. _

"Baby girl, you understand don't you?" Sam whimpered, her hand falling limp at her side. "Why I have to do this" Her chin quivered. "I don't want to kill your baby brother or sister." A sob escaped her. "God, I don't want to."

_Jason sighed, not being able to deal with her watery eyes another second. Lifting himself from the recliner, he moved over to the sofa to sit beside her. "Sam." He whispered her name, and she looked at him with wide eyes. _

"Mommy is so sorry." She whispered, uprooting a few blades of grass to fidget with. "I just…" She stopped and took a moment to compose herself somewhat. "I can't." She wept. "Not without Jason. And not like this."

_Jason wiped away Sam's tear away with the pad of his thumbs. If it she were Liz, he would have already whispered a million 'it's okays', but this was Sam and she hated when people lied. It wasn't going to be okay anytime soon. So he just sat there, watching as tears cascaded down her swollen cheeks. He wanted badly to hold to her, but it was too much, too personal. To actually hold the woman who had at one time meant the world to him, and who had destroyed his world, in the apartment they use to share, was just too much for him. That would be semi-admitting to himself that he still cared. And he wasn't ready for that. _

"I'm so sorry." She apologized again. "Baby girl, you deserved so much better than Sonny and me as parents." She closed her eyes at her admission. "You deserved a daddy like Jason, and I tried to give you that." Her lip trembled. "But now I realize I was never meant to have you. You were too perfect, too beautiful for someone as flawed as me. You were meant for somebody like Elizabeth, someone who could give you a wonderful life, and a steady family."

_But when she reached for him, he had no choice but to envelope her in his arms. "SShh." He whispered, tangling his hands in her hair. It was as soft as he remembered. The three words he hadn't spoken since the day Sam walked away from him, danced on his tongue, begging to be spoken, but he forced himself to ignore it. _


	4. Her Fault

****

A/N- I was inspired so I wrote another chapter...and here it is. But don't get used to the frequent updates...lol. There seems to be more lusam fans than I expected...hmm well seeing as my last chapter lacked lusam goodness...lucky is in this chapter! as is Jason. And 'Let You Go' should be updated by the weekend

"But now I realize I was never meant to have you. You were too perfect, too beautiful for someone as flawed as me. You were meant for somebody like Elizabeth, someone who could give you a wonderful life and a steady family."

"You would have been a great mother." Sam peered over her shoulder, wiping at her tears. She raised her eyebrows and bitterly replied, "Well, obviously someone doesn't agree with you, or my baby would be here right now." Lucky eyes shined with his concern for her. "Sam, it's not your fault." She looked up, blinking a few times. "Then why does it feel like it is." He ran his tongue along the inside of his bottom lip, kneeling down beside her. "Because you naturally blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, and you shouldn't." She looked at him, and sullenly rolled her eyes.

_A knock at the door had Jason pulling away from Sam, and her practically jumping out her skin. He offered her a small smile, and pushed a few strands of hair away from her eyes. "I'll be right back, okay." He assured her, pressing a kiss to her temple. He stood up from the couch, walked over to the door, and opened it. His mouth dropped open at the sight of who was on the other side. _

"But it normally is my fault." Sam claimed. Lucky placed his hands on her shoulders, and gently urged her closer, resting his chin on top her head. "Lila wasn't your fault. Neither was Jason." He assured her, causing fresh tears to appear in her eyes. "Things happen. It's just life." She wrapped her arms around his midsection, hanging on for dear life.

"_Liz." Jason said her name, and Sam would've smiled if she weren't so torn apart. After all the bitch was walking in on her boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend. Liz's eyes narrowed, as she stalked into the apartment, placing Jake's car seat on the desk. Sam wondered if Liz knew that Jason had nearly made love to her on that thing. "What the hell is she doing here?" She demanded, flailing her arms. _

Lucky put his lips to her forehead and mumbled "Come on. Let's get you home." Sam allowed herself to be helped up, but disagreed, "I'm not ready to go home." He closed one eye, pretending to think. "We could go get some lunch." She sighed. "Yeah."

"_Sam just needed a friend Liz." Jason assured the mother of his child. Liz sneered. "Well tell the skank to leave." She demanded. Jason sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Liz, she is no condition to be alone right now." Liz smirked. "You mean she's ran out of married men to seduce, so she's come to try to fuck you." Jason shook his head. "Liz!" He scolded her, and immediately regretted it when he heard the shrill cry of his son. _

Sam smiled slightly, as Lucky slipped into the booth across from her. He took her hand in his, running his hand across her knuckles. "You know…you can talk to me." She nodded, avoiding his eyes. "I know." His eyebrows knitted together, as he cupped her chin. "Sam, look at me." Her watery eyes reluctantly focused on him. "What's wrong?"

_Jason unbuckled Jake, and took him in his arms. "Liz, get the hell out." She swallowed, and visibly shrunk back at his demand. "Jason…" She whimpered. He closed his eyes. "Liz…just go, please." Her lower lip trembled. "But I love you Jason." He sighed and forced himself to keep control. "And I love you too." He lied. "But you have to go." _

Sam's eyes snapped away from his, settling on the salt shaker. Lucky sighed, and released her chin. "Sam, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." Her only response was fiddling with her the straw in her soda. "Alright, I'm here when you're ready." He offered.

_Liz eyes misted with tears as she reached for Jake, but Jason turned away. "Is it okay if I keep him for awhile." The expression that crossed Liz's features would have broke his heart if he felt something for her. "I suppose." She answered, finally leaving. Jason returned his attention to Sam for a moment. "Sorry about that." He apologized. Sam raised her eyebrows. "Its alright. I expected it."_

"Lucky." Sam said his name, and right away his attention was on her. "I'm sorry, you know, for not stopping Jake from being taken, and not telling you about it." Lucky frowned slightly. "Yeah me too. "She looked down at the table. "Can you ever forgive me?" He smiled. "Sam, I already have."

_Jason looked down at Jake, before moving his gaze back up to Sam. Smiling, he walked back over to the sofa. "Do you want to hold him?" Sam's eyes widened. "Jason…" She gasped. "It's okay." He assured her, placing the baby boy in her arms. She closed her eyes. Holding Jason's child literally took her breath away. "He's gorgeous."_

Sam exhaled, letting out a breath she wasn't aware she'd been holding. "In some sick, twisted way I understand." Lucky's voice was calm, and his eyes loving. "But I just wish you would have told me yourself." She drug her eyes up his chest and face, finally meeting his eyes. "I wish I did too. I was just afraid." She stated. "That I wouldn't forgive you." He finished for her. "Yeah." She agreed. He placed his hand on her cheek. "You never have to worry about that."


	5. Don't Trust Myself

Lucky pushed a few strands of hair away from Sam's forehead. He wanted to say something, to break the mind numbing silence that had fallen over them, but didn't in fear of breaking the moment. In that moment, he would have done anything for her to keep looking at him the way she had been since they left the diner, like he was her salvation.

_Jason watched Sam talk softly to his son. She was so natural with him, so perfect. When Jake reached up to grab hold of her finger, nothing could describe the feeling that washed over Jason, when a genuine smile formed on her lips as she looked up at him. The look in Sam's warm brown eyes was one of pure happiness and love, and it left Jason breathless. _

Lucky's hand moved from her hair, his eyebrows shooting up when Sam's small hand caught his. She ran her thumb across his knuckles, tears blurring her vision. Gently, he tugged her towards him, his freehand wrapping around her waist. Her small hands tangled in his t-shirt, clawing at it.

_Jason walked towards the couch, taking his son from Sam's arms. Something similar to regret washed over him, as the routine sadness once again dulled his ex's eyes. Retrieving the bottle from Jake's diaper bag, he proceeded to feed him, trying his hardest to ignore the unmistakable tears wetting her cheeks. He had no right to care, and he didn't. Not anymore. He couldn't have just left her alone, any caring human would have taken her in. It surely wasn't because he cared. He loved Liz. He had too. They had a son__¼_

Sam removed her head from Lucky's shoulder, their noses brushing in the process. He closed his eyes, and wetted his lips, his tongue brushing her lips as he did so. "Lucky." She murmured his name, silently asking for him to the make move. She took a baby step closer to him, pressing their chests together. He pressed his lips in a thin line, and drew in a breath. Just as their lips were about to connect, he stepped back, bringing a frown to Sam's lips.

"I can't. We can't. Not when you're so upset."

"_Jason?" Sam's soft voice broke though Jason's haze, and his gaze settled on her. He felt his shoulders go rigid as she stood up from the couch. Slowly, she moved towards him, her footing a little shaky. A few times he feared her knees were going to give out and he would step towards her just a little, prepared to catch her with the arm that wasn't holding Jake. _

Sam nodded, tears springing to her eyes. "Alright." Was her short response.

Lucky sighed, and attempted to intertwine their fingers but she swatted his hand away. "Sam, I'm not going to cheapen our relationship by taking advantage of you when your like this, or letting you use whatever is upsetting you as an excuse to get close to me." His eyebrows knitted together as his eyes took on an intense look of love and concern. "Something is really upsetting you, and I understand you're not ready to tell me. But there has to be a reason you don't want to open up to me. And until you can trust me completely again we can't be anything more than friends."

_Sam stopped in front of him, and Jason gave her a confused look as she ran her hand through his hair. Then her brown teary eyes flashed down to Jake, as she struggled to maintain her resolve. "Will you do something for me?" She asked, her voice coming more vulnerable than she liked. _

_Jason nodded. "Yeah." _

_She looked down at the suddenly interesting carpet. "Can we just keep this between you and me? I mean, Port Charles doesn't need another reason to call me a hoe." _

_Jason shook his head, needing to hold her more than anything in that moment, but knowing he couldn't, that he shouldn't. "It wasn't your fault." He insisted, settling for simply placing his hand on her shoulder. A lone tear fell, and he debated wiping it away, but decided not too. It was too close to her lips, and those soulful brown eyes that she always seemed to be hiding behind. _

Sam, frustrated, ran a hand through her hair. She understood all too well what Lucky was saying, and part of her even agreed with it. But standing there with him, watching him look at her, pure love shining in his eyes, love for her, she couldn't ruin that. Not when he had managed to forgive her for her past mistakes, and they were able to maintain somewhat of a closeness. She could never risk him hating her for sleeping with a man like _him. _

Sam could only imagine the look on his face if she told him. The pure horror and disgust after he learned she had not only slept with a monster, but murdered her own child.

Lucky sighed at her lack of response, and she desperately wanted to say something, anything, to let him know she did trust him, but she just didn't trust herself. Yet no words left her lips as she allowed herself to be pulled into an embrace.

_Sam didn't respond to his statement, instead she stepped back, causing his hand to fall from her shoulder. "Just don't tell anyone. Please." _

_Jason frowned and shook his head. "I think we should go to the police." _

_Sam immediately protested, her eyes wide with panic. "No! That's the worst thing we could do." _

_Jason closed his eyes, trying to keep his anger under control. "Sam, you were hurt. You need to be protected. This guy needs to be caught." _

_Sam pressed her lips together in a tight line, not sure how to respond. "I'm going to leave." She explained, her voice bitter and almost angry. She knew even before his hand wrapped around her wrist as she walked by him, he was going to stop her. She spun around, one hand on her forehead, the other dangling at her side. "What do you want me to do Jason?" She questioned, exasperated. "I'm not going to sit on that damn couch forever." _

_Jason looked down at his son, then back up at her. "I know. I just want you to be safe." His reply was calm, too calm for her liking. She wanted him to yell back. _

"_It's not your job to keep me safe anymore. You should be worrying about Liz." Sam made a move towards the door, and this time Jason didn't stop her. _

Sam extracted herself from Lucky. "You should go." She insisted gently.

He glanced at his watch, wincing when he saw the time. "I was suppose to meet Lulu twenty minutes ago."

Sam offered him a small smile, noticing his hesitation. "Go, I'll be fine."

He gave her leery look. "Are you sure?"

She rolled her eyes, and playfully pushed him towards the elevator. "Go!"

He laughed, and she found herself smiling slightly. "Alright, but I'll come by with breakfast tomorrow."

Sam froze, the smile falling from her lips. "I can't tomorrow." He gave her a questioning look, as she went on. "I have an appointment."

He shrugged, clearly not understanding the inner turmoil that was taking place inside her at the thought of tomorrow morning at nine A.M. He smiled, hoping to make hers return. "How about lunch?"

For his sake, she forced a smile. "Sounds great."

Finally, Lucky disappeared into the elevator, and Sam let out a shuttering breath. She could never tell him¼

_The door slammed after Sam's retreating form, and Jason's whole body tensed as he fought the urge to go after her. Even Jake noticed her lack of presence as the infant began screaming. _


	6. color of blood

-1Sam awkwardly tied the nightgown, her shaking fingers fumbling with the strings, as she scooted her bare bottom onto the examination table. She curiously studied the room, and became more than aware of the blinding white that seemed to consume it.

The walls, tiled floor, even the door, all white. All except for the bright red table she was sitting on, it was the color of blood. The room reminded her of pain.

She shuttered slightly. It was only reasonable for her to be in a room that just oozed of death, while she waited for the doctor to come and terminate her pregnancy.

Terminate, she wasn't quite sure why they had chosen that word. Terminate meant to bring to an end. They weren't ending anything, this wasn't a television show, this was an actual living, breathing baby. Her baby, and she was going to murder it.

_Sam barely made it to the elevator, as tears blurred her vision, and sobs wracked her body. It was nearly impossible to walk when all she wanted to do was fall to the ground and never get up. _

_She could hear Jake's cries emitting from down the hall, and for a second thought they were coming from her. _

_Shaking hands clumsily pressed the down button of the elevator, as she stumbled onto it. _

_Harshly, her back hit the metal wall, as she slipped down it. _

A middle-aged blonde, with little specks of gray dotting her roots, and Dr. Jones printed on her nametag, entered the room, smiling. "So Miss Mccall. Shall we begin?" She questioned.

Sam found herself caught between crying and screaming, as Dr. Jones switched on the light above the table, making the red appear even angrier.

Why was everyone acting like this was some casual thing? Didn't they understand she was about to kill apart of herself…? That no matter how much her soul and heart protested, she had to do it.

She shuttered, as she laid back against the table. Small goose bumps broke across her delicate flesh, as she settled on the cold surface.

Sam tried to ignore the feeling of dread that consumed her, as she placed her legs in the stirrups, leaving her baby vulnerable to the doctor.

_Sam felt a jolt, as the elevator stopped, and the doors opened, revealing the first floor. She forced herself to stand, wiping the tears from her cheeks, only for them to be replaced. _

_She was suddenly all too aware of where she was, as memories forced themselves into the front of her mind. Memories of hungry kisses, and barely being able to make it upstairs. Laughter, friends, and family as she stood by Jason's side, welcoming them for their first Christmas dinner at the pent house. _

_She couldn't do this, not now. One hand covering her mouth to muffle her sobs, and the other gripping the closest object to keep her footing, Sam tripped out into the warm night. _

Sam's teeth bit down on her lip, watching as the doctor slipped on some rubber gloves.

Her legs tensed, as she forced herself to remain still. Despite her attempts to ban them, all the horror stories of abortions pushed themselves into her mind. And she wondered after it was over, if she would feel the same loss, she had for Lila.

_Sam blinked rapidly, trying to fight off the tears, but her knees still gave out as she slowly melted down to the concrete. _

_Had she really walked out of the penthouse expecting to not brake down? _

Suddenly, Sam shot straight up, scratching her naked leg on the metal stirrup. The doctor gasped, and backed away in surprise.

Sam closed her eyes, trying to get control of her emotions. "I'm sorry…" She apologized. "I can't."

Doctor Jones looked at Sam as if she were crazy, as she scooted off the table. Shaking violently, she grabbed her clothes, clenching them to her chest. "I have to go." She mumbled.

The doctor protested, and attempted to reach for Sam, only to be slapped. "I have to get out this place." She exclaimed, near hysteria. The bright red table was still in her eye range, and the white walls seemed to be closing in on her.

_Sam felt muscular arms lift her effortlessly from the pavement. "Come on." Jason whispered in her ear. "I've got you." He assured her. _

_Despite her own grief, the first words that came out of her mouth, as her wide mocha eyes turned to him, worried. "Where's Jake?" _

_He sighed, careful not to trip as he entered the building. "He's upstairs, sleeping." He attempted to put her fears to rest. _

_Had he really called this broken woman selfish? He truly was stupid. Even during the times when her world was crashing down, her main concern was someone else. In this case it was his son, the son he had lied about having for months. The same baby boy that had destroyed them, seemed to be the one thing holding her together. _

Sam scrambled her way into the waiting room. She knew she must be quite a sight. A crazy, pregnant lady in a nightgown wasn't something you really saw everyday.

But as she stumbled through the waiting room, numerous pained, guilt-ridden, blood-shot eyes landing on her; some belonging to teenager girls, others to women who just weren't ready, and some like her, Sam knew she had to get out of there.

With trembling fingers, she dialed Lucky's number. After exactly three rings, he answered. "Lucky, I'm at the PC Abortion Clinic…can you please come pick me up?" She questioned, her voice braking towards the end.


	7. Their Chance

-1Sam watched as Lucky pulled up and got out of his car. He was as gorgeous as ever, not to mention just as loving, driving across town to pick her up.

Her watering eyes were set on him, as he advanced towards her, enveloping her in his arms, and shielding her from prying eyes. One hand remaining on her stomach at all times, Sam grabbed his shoulder, allowing him to lead her out to the car.

She began to panic when Lucky loosened his hold on her, millions of possibilities as to why he released her running through her mind. What if he had found out about her being raped, and thought of her as disgusting whore? Maybe he thought she had murdered her child, after all she was at an Abortion Clinic. As a father of two, he would surely hate her for even considering it.

"Lucky…" She whimpered. "Please…just try to understand. Don't leave me. I need you." Her wide, mocha eyes refused to meet his, fearing what they would find. All the insecurities she had spent years burying, trying to hide from Alexis and Jason were now bubbling to the surface.

Gently, her chin was lifted by Lucky's large hand, and reluctantly her eyes landed on his gray-blue ones. A small sob tore from her lips at the sight of his loving gaze. Despite her attempts to be closed off, she knew he had saw everything in a few short minutes, when it had taken her other loved ones years to understand just half.

"I'm here, Sam." The statement was so simple, but accompanied by his tone, and the way he was looking at her, Sam knew it meant everything.

The moment was so raw, so real, her words became stuck in her throat as she attempted to speak, instead she just sobbed, helplessly throwing herself into his arms.

"_Why did you come after me?" Sam questioned, as she was once again placed on the couch, and separated from Jason's warm arms. _

_He shrugged, as though it was nothing. But it was something, something bigger than either one of them. It had been their reason for living at one time, now it was one of Sam's many reasons to hate him, herself, and life. "You don't need to be running around town in the condition your in." _

_She rolled her eyes. "Jason, don't give me that bullshit. We both know you don't give a damn about what happens to me." _

"_Right, and you've just been sitting in my damn apartment half the night for the hell of it." He retorted, shaking his head. She was always able to get a rise out of him, always able to make him seem and feel almost…human. _

"_You know what, I don't need this." Angrily, she stood up from the couch, loosing her footing in her haste. _

_Naturally, Jason's hands found their way around Sam's waist, pulling her to him, startling her as his warmth collided with her shivering body. She swallowed, feeling half her body relax, and the other half tense. _

_They both seemed to be holding their breath as Jason's hand moved from her waist to trace the features of her face. His caresses were so soft, she barely felt them, as he let no part of her flawless face go untouched. _

_Sam closed her eyes, gasping when his soft mouth pressed gently to each eyelid. _

Lucky wove his hands into her hair, pulling away to look at her face. He was aware of the curious eyes that had stopped to stair, and was anxious to get Sam safely into the car. His lips touched her forehead, as he opened the car door.

"It's going to be okay, Sam." He assured, helping her into the car, whispering sweet nothings and reassurances into her ear.

When he moved to walk around the car, Sam grabbed his wrist. Smiling reassuringly, he gently coaxed her tight grip off him, and kissed her hand softly, before laying it down in her lap.

"I care about you, Sam. I'm not going anywhere." Those words were only a fraction of all the emotions he felt for this woman, how overwhelming they were. He couldn't even begin to explain how one look from her and the rest of the world just disappeared, nothing mattered except making her happy.

Because she was one of the few flawed, selfless people out there, and in a world where nothing was meant to last, and everyone was meant to leave, she seemed to be the only one staying.

She nodded, and he knew that she had just gave a small part of herself to him. That there was a tiny glimpse of hope, they may still have their chance. He offered her a small smile, comforted by the idea that she trusted him not to leave, even just a little bit. It was a start.

_Jason blinked rapidly, trying to grasp some coherent thought, to will himself to step away. But despite himself, he found his lips moving across her face, brushing over her small nose lightly, before moving to first her left, then her right cheek. He could taste the salt of her tears, as his tongue flicked out, licking most of them away. _

_Jason felt her tense as his lips hovered just above hers. If he weren't so close to her, he wouldn't have known she was breathing, her chest was barely moving._

_He inhaled as he felt her lips move against his. "Jason." There was a pause, before her small voice once again broke through the fog. "No." _

_Closing his eyes so he wouldn't have to watch her pull away, he felt coldness wash over the places where her soft curves once were. _

Once in the car, Sam pretty much remained silent, as she stared out the window, curled up into a small ball. How was she going to go about telling Lucky? Tears sprung to her eyes as she realized she may loose him.

She laid her head down on the cool window, her eyes averting from the passing scenery when she felt Lucky's hand atop hers.

She smiled slightly. "Hey." She whispered.

He smiled in return. "Hey." Lovingly his fingers ran across her knuckles, letting her know that maybe there was still a small glimmer of hope, perhaps they might still get their chance.


	8. Chapter 8

-1Sam felt a sense of uneasiness, even after she entered her apartment, Lucky following close behind. How was he possibly going to react when she told him? Would he be repulsed by her? She shook her head to clear it of the jumbled thoughts.

She had spent the past few days in a haze of tears, and the only thing she was sure of was Lucky. She trusted him. She wasn't quite sure why, but she knew he deserved the truth after all the patience and compassionate he had shown her. Even if she feared it would send him running the other direction.

Forcing all her doubts to the far recesses of her mind, she forced herself to remain realistic. It seemed for the past few days she had been doing nothing but sobbing, and whining. At least she could be strong during this. She could try.

"Lucky…" She trailed off, immediately doubting her decision when he looked at her with those warm, compassionate eyes. Though he hadn't spoken the words aloud, she knew he loved her. His eyebrows drew together, as his hand reached toward her face, lightly running along her cheek.

"Sam, it's going to be okay." He insisted. "I understand."

Her eyes widened. He already knew! How? Immediately, she was backing away from him. "You don't hate me?" She questioned.

He chuckled quietly. "Sam, no. Why would I hate you? It was your decision to make."

Suddenly it dawned on her. "You think I…" She couldn't finish the statement, her hand landing on her stomach protectively. Unwillingly she cringed at the thought of any harm coming to her child.

"You didn't…" He began, only for Sam to loudly interrupt him.

"No!" She bit out. "I would never."

"Hey…" He attempted to soothe, his voice calm, his hands uncertainly landing on her shoulders.

At his touch, she relaxed, melting into him when he pulled her closer.

_Sam lips parted, a ragged breath escaping her lungs, as Jason's eyes opened. "I think it's best I leave." She offered, her voice quiet._

"Sam." He breathed her name. "You don't have to…"

She smiled at his statement. Jason always had away of never really saying what he really wanted. She was partially thankful for that fact, because that meant she could leave without him begging her to stay. But the part of her that she had buried, the part that she had given to him, only for him to shove it in her face, was slightly pained when he had yet to react as her hand touched the door.

She let out a short breath, enjoying the way the scent of pure Jason filtered through her senses, probably for the last time. Then she was in the hall, and the emptiness she was prepared for made itself known, as she entered the elevator.

Exhausted, both emotionally and physically, she fell back against the railing. She still loved Jason…maybe she always would. But she didn't have time for his faux caring and pity. He had made it clear she was not loveable, and she had known she wasn't way before he did. She didn't need the constant reminders of the undecorated fireplace, where pictures of herself and the boys used to be scattered. The memory of seeing him and Liz in that hospital room, with baby Jake, was burned into her memory.

Yet, there was something about the way he had looked at her, the warmth his blue eyes had stirred in her. The comfort she felt, even now, just knowing she was semi-welcome to return if she needed to. The feelings he evoked in her jus weren't…normal. They were above and beyond.

But she just couldn't imagine being with him again, not after everything. Not knowing that it took her almost dying, or being completely destroyed for him to show any concern at all. No, she needed someone who would there despite everything, whether she was at the lowest or highest point of her life.

"Who's the father?" Lucky's low voice, had Sam's eyes searching his, her face lifting from it's almost natural place in the crook of his neck.

When she failed to answer, he asked, "Am I?"

The undeniable hope, and vulnerability in his voice brought tears to her eyes. She had done it again. Hurt the man she loved the most, and the last thing she had ever wanted to do was care about him the first place. She already knew what would happen. He would leave. She would cry, for a while, but would soon return to her unfeeling self, while he would go back to Liz. Just like Jason.

Shamefully, she buried her face in his chest. "Lucky…" She mumbled. "I am so sorry."

Those simple words caused Lucky to tense, but his arms remained wrapped tightly around Sam.

"I didn't mean to." She whimpered, pulling back. She was undeserving of his touch, and the comfort it brought. He was light, and she was dark. It was as simple as that. People like her weren't loved like people like him.

When his hand reached up to touch her cheek, she backed away, her eyes closing, and her face going completely stoic.

"Lucky…I was raped."


	9. Chapter 9

-1"Lucky…I was raped."

The words resounded in his mind, crashing against the walls of his head. Images of her delicate skin being mauled, bruised, grabbed. Someone had hurt his Sam.

His lips parted as he struggled to find the words to melt away her pain, but he couldn't push the thoughts of another man forcing himself into her out of his mind.

"I'm going to kill the fucker." His hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Sam shook her head, her small hands reaching for his face. "Lucky. It's okay. I'm alright."

He closed his eyes, gently taking her hands in his. "No, Sam your not okay. Not even close. You haven't been yourself since…"

He leaned his forehead against hers, clenching his eyes shut. Though he had no right, he relinquished in the feel of her skin. How could he have let this happen? He was a cop, he should have known. He should have been able to protect her. "Oh god. Sam. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Her warm mouth pressed against his cheek. "I'm sorry, Lucky. So sorry." Her voice was strangled as she whispered, her breath tickling his ear and neck.

His hands grasped her shoulders, gently pushing her away so he was able to look her in the eyes. "Sam, you have nothing to be sorry for. You haven't done anything wrong."

Her fingers splayed themselves across his hands, intertwining with his.  
"I just wish there was a way I could make this better for you. I never wanted to hurt you. And thought I'm not the direct cause. The pain is still obvious when you look at me. I hate that."

"You want to make this better for me?" He questioned, knowing he was pushing his luck.

"Yes, of course I do!"

"Then, let me take care of you, and this baby. I want a life with you. Let me be the father of this child."

Any reasonable response Sam might have had caught in her throat, as she stared at him dumbfounded. "I would never ask you to do that…" She whispered, though her watering eyes gave away all her not-so secret desires of their possible future.

"Sam, you're not asking me to do anything. I want this." He explained, calmly placing his hand on her abdomen. "I want to be there for everything, to feel the baby kick, the appointments, to get up at three AM to buy some ridiculous food you're craving. I want you, Sam. All of you, in every possible way. I want your body pressed flush against, with no barriers, and I want to dry your tears, hear your laughter, father any future children you have…whether it's one more of five."

Her mocha eyes widened, only a few tears managing to escape, the impact of his words making her stumble backwards, out of his reach. "Lucky…" His name was a hoarse whisper, but he had never heard anything quite as beautiful. He always loved it when she said his name. As if he was someone worthwhile, worth loving. Because he was defiantly not the easiest person to care about, yet she seemed to do it so easily.

Then her pink lips formed the word "No.", and his heart shattered, as he watched more tears spill over onto her porcelain skin.

"Lucky. I could never…Just…no." Her voice was raspy was crying, and almost raw with emotion.

He wanted nothing more than to reach for her, and forcefully pull her against his chest until she realized how much she truly meant to him. That he wouldn't leave her like Jason. That hurting her would destroy him.

And the old Lucky might have done that. He just might have begged, or kissed her until she had no choice but to surrender. But that was before the drug addiction, before Elizabeth just tossed him aside as if he never loved her more than life itself. That was when Cameron and Jake were his sons.

This Lucky Spencer didn't beg or plead. So when Sam asked him to leave, her voice small and frail, her arms wrapped tightly around her shaking shoulders, tears coursing down her red cheeks, he did. He didn't question her reasoning. He just glanced back at her, offering himself if she needed him. Offering himself in ways she probably didn't even realize…in ways that could devastate him. Offering his soul, heart, mind, body, life. But all she heard were the words that escaped his lips.

"If you need a friend…I'm still here."

And he would be there, even if she didn't call. He would place himself in the background of her life, because she needed him, just like he needed her. And he was willing too wait for the day she realized just how perfectly they fit.

--------------------

Sam forcefully pressed the heals of her hands into her eyes, cursing herself and her tears. Her small hands dropped to her stomach.

"I am so sorry, baby." She whispered. "But I had to. I had to tell him no. I can't…I can't be hurt again."


	10. Chapter 10

-1Sam walked into her spare bedroom, and flicked on the light. For a split second, her fear of not being a good mother was forgotten, and she could almost imagine the crib in the corner, the walls painted pink, Lucky smiling up at her as he rocked their baby to sleep.

Her fingers idly danced across the crème colored walls, as if she could magically change their color. Pink walls, lavender carpet, basinet, Lucky. She almost smiled at the thought. If only it were possible. If only she could give her child half that joy.

A small, almost inaudible crash had Sam whirling around. She ran a hand through her hair, and berated herself for her being startled so easily. After all, she was the ex girlfriend of a mobster.

It was more than likely nothing. Probably just Lucky coming to check on her. She smiled sadly at the thought, and made her way to the living room. When would he learn that all she would do was hurt him in the end?

"Lucky?" Her voice echoed off the walls of her suddenly overly silent apartment. She swallowed thickly, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end, as she grabbed her purse, shoveling for her cell phone.

Two muscular, powerful arms encased her from behind, a hand coming up to muffle her screams, as her purse slipped from her grasp.

Her hands came up to clench his arms, as he easily lifted her from the ground. She searched her mind for all the things Jason had taught her, the things she had learned while conning men. Pressure points, kicks, punches, blocks.

Then she remembered her baby. Her miracle disguised by a tragedy. And the knowledge that one wrong move could rob her child of its life before it could actually claim it forced her to remain completely still.

He was the one with the gun, his elbows digging into her ribs, just inches above her baby.

"Don't worry. I'll take care of you." His bitter whisper, had tears forming in her eyes.

He hoisted her up, his arms digging deeper into her. She cringed as his tongue made a path down the side of her face to her neck.

Her small foot snaked up his inner thigh, before harshly ramming into his penis.

Sam collided with the floor, as he roughly pushed her away, doubling over in pain.

"Stupid fucking slut!"

Not even taking the time to breath, she was on her feet, and retrieving the knife from the inn table draw. She had kept it there ever since her rape.

Her chest was heaving with each breath. Each inhale and exhale was almost painful, not knowing what the man was going to do next, not knowing what he was capable of, who he was, or what he wanted.

His dark brown eyes flashed dangerously at her, as he recovered from her assault.

He shook his head, smirking at his own reflection in the knife. "Pathetic. What happened to the famous Samantha McCall everyone told me about? And to think I thought you would be a fun kill."

"She's dead." She replied, simply. Her voice strong as she stood her ground, her heart hammering in her chest.

Her attacker wet his lips. "But still sexy as hell."

In one of those pivotal moments in which every detail matters, every breath, every drop of sweat, every blink, Sam must of done something wrong. Because before the sound of the gunshot even reached her ears, she felt the warmth of her own blood on her upper leg, wincing in pain.

"I really didn't want to have to do that." He assured her. "Believe me, McCall, it isn't easy to taint such beauty as yourself."

Despite the searing pain in her leg, her grip on the knife only tightened at the sound of his sarcastic laughter.

"Give it up." He mocked, advancing toward her, forcing her to stumble backward, grimacing when she put too much weight on her left leg.

His large hand encompassed her wrist harshly, while the other loosened her hold on the knife.

"That a girl." He whispered, his lips lingering on her ear, causing her to tense.

Twisting her wrist out of his grasp, she attempted to plunge the steak into his ribs.

Sam's breath caught in her throat, as both her hands were caught in a vice grip above her head.

"Fucking bitch." He muttered. "I tried to be nice about this, but no."

"Drop the knife." He demanded, his cold eyes looking directly into hers. Tears formed in her eyes, but she didn't loosen her hold on her weapon.

He smirked, his free hand allowing the tip of his gun to run along her abs. "Wouldn't want anything to happen to you, now would we…baby."

Her eyes widened, and immediately the knife connected with the floor, with a clank.

"Please…" She begged.

He chuckled, his hot breath tickling her neck, and making her want to vomit, as he kissed her neck. "I love it when you beg."

She shuttered with disgust. "Don't hurt my baby."

He scoffed, pulling away from her neck, his nose brushing hers. "Do you think I would hurt my own child?"

Her tears finally escaped, as the memory rushed back to her. The cold rain, his calloused hands, the pain.

Roughly, she shoved him away, the only thing clicking in her otherwise fogged mind was the soft thud of the gun landing on the carpet.

She lunged for it, her small hands gripping it tightly, as she aimed it at him.

"You, mother fucker." Her teeth were clenched, tears streaming steadily down her cheeks, and hands shaking. "I hate you!"

He smiled. "You can't kill me. I'm the father of your baby."

Her entire body swelled with hatred. Pure hatred, for him.

"Shut up!" She screamed. "You are nothing. Nothing."

Her thumb pressed down on the trigger, the bullet puncturing his lower abdomen.

Blood sputtered from his mouth, and she would have laughed if it weren't for the sharp pains in her stomach.

Her body shook violently with sobs, as she clutched her abdomen. Helplessly, she limped over to where she had dropped her cell phone.

"Lucky…."


	11. Chapter 11

-1Her hands were shaking as she hurriedly dialed Lucky's number. It took only three rings for him to answer, but those three rings were an eternity to her.

"Lucky," She barely managed to get out between sobs. "My baby."

A shot of pain, more intense than the ones before shot through her stomach.

"Hurry," She moaned, before the phone fell from her trembling hands, and she sunk to the floor, surrendering to the pain.

"Baby," Her voice was hoarse, as her hand tightly gripped the place her fetus was just beginning to form. "Please hang in there. I need you."

Despite the sharp pains shooting through her entire body, she sung a lullaby to her child, even though she knew her baby couldn't hear it. With each word, her voice became that much weaker.

Tears were rolling continually down her face, the pain of her leg long forgotten, as she felt the blood as it wet the crouch of her jeans, her eyes struggling to stay open.

"Lucky…" She whimpered

Then she heard his voice, and she had a small glimmer of hope. She felt his arms lift her from the floor, wincing at both the pain of her leg and the thought of loosing her little one.

"I got you." He assured her, his voice quiet, as he hurried out of the apartment.

---------------------------------------------

With each step he took, her entire body jarred. She could hear his shoes slap against the linoleum of the hospital floor. She could feel each breathless inhale and exhale, as his chest heaved.

The second she was separated from the comfort of his embrace, she panicked. "Lucky…" She whimpered.  
His hand took hers. "I'm here." He whispered. "You'll be okay, your baby will be okay. I promise."

Trusting in his promises, she allowed her eyes to slip closed.

----------------------------

"Lucky…" She murmured groggily, her eyes struggling to adjust to the intensity of the lit up room.

"Sam." His voice was quiet.

She smiled sleepily. "I had a dream about you, us, the family we could build together for this baby." It had been the most beautiful thing she had imagined since the night of her rape. Lucky holding her baby; the baby he was so eager to share with her.

His gray eyes left hers, his lips opening then closing.

Her eyes misted with tears, as she frantically shook her head. "Lucky, I'm sorry I told you couldn't father this child. But I realized you are the best father that I could ever give this child."

Her small hand touched his cheek. "You are a wonderful man."

His large hand encased hers, removing it from his face and planting a tender kiss to it.

"Lucky…" Her voice was strong with just a small tremor. "You do still want to be a family…don't you?" She asked, her voice raising to near hysteria. "Lucky…?" Her voice was strained.

"Lucky." She whimpered, her eyes misting with tears; tears she refused to cry. There was no reason to. Her and Lucky would provide her baby with the perfect home. They would overdo her first birthday. Lucky would threaten every teenage boy that stepped foot on the porch of the two story house they were going to have.

"Sam." He begged, "I'm sorry."  
"No!" She sobbed. "We're gonna give her everything. Lucky. Everything we didn't have as children. A stable home, all the love in the world, little brothers and sisters."

He remained silent, his eyes holding the reality of it all; a reality that just wasn't possible. It wasn't feasible, it couldn't be true. It wasn't.

"Lucky…if this is about me not being able to give you your own baby. We can adopt, or use a surrogate." She insisted, "I promise to give you everything, just don't leave us." Her hand landed protectively over her stomach, caressing the emptiness that had replaced the small being.

"Sam…"

She shook her head, tears falling from her eyes. "Stop saying my name like that."

"I'm sorry."

She nodded, biting her lower lip. "You bastard. If you don't want this child, just tell me. Stop apologizing."

His warm arms wrapped her around her, moving her over to make enough room for him. He cradled her to his chest, and planted a kiss to her forehead.

She violently wiggled in his arms, doing everything in her power to separate her sweat soaked body from his. There was too much truth in the feel of his warmth, and when he was this close, clinging to her foolish denial became harder with each breath she felt leave his lungs.

A harsh sob left her already strained lungs. "No…stop acting like my baby is a curse. This baby is a blessing, I don't care what you think."

She shook her head, ignoring the trembling of his chin against her forehead.

"Sam, please." His voice was almost inaudible. "Stop doing this to yourself."

"No…" Her voice was heartbreaking, raising in volume, as she struggled against him. "No…no…no." Gradually her tone weakened. "Why are you lying to me?"

"Sam." He mumbled into her hair, his hands rubbing along her goose bumped arms. "You know I wanted that baby. That I would have given her the world."

She hated the way the tremors running through his solid body almost made her believe the lies leaving his lips, her small fists hitting his chest with the little strength she had. "Then why are you denying her. Why are you acting like she doesn't exist." Her hands roughly grabbed his, placing them over her abdomen. "She's right here."

"Sam, please." His voice was low, broken, and it was then that she finally allowed the reality of the cruel world seep into her veins.

Her body began to shake, and each breath she inhaled burned her lungs, the warmth of her tears the only thing convincing that she was alive, that this was real.

She clenched her eyes shut, wanting to just sleep; to dream of a happy Lucky holding their baby, the baby she would never be able to give him now.


	12. Chapter 12

-1Sam forced her eyes open, wincing at the bright light emitting from the hall. Shifting slightly she attempted to snuggle further into Lucky's warmth only to be met by the cold roughness of the hospital sheets. She struggled to sit up right, the pain from her bandaged leg radiating throughout her body.

"Sam." The sound of that voice had her whipping her head towards the young mobster seated in the recliner next to her bed.

She bit her lip, "Jason, why are you here?"

The question hung in the air, the silence causing a slight chill to run up her spine.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," He responded.

She nodded, wetting her chapped lips. "Yeah," she whispered, absentmindedly, "Why?"

She saw Jason's muscles clench, his shoulders tensing, his jaw locking. She had broken the silent agreement of no questions, no answers. It was over, there wasn't any need for either.

"I heard you were attacked and that for once you weren't able to get the upper hand. I was just worried. I wanted to make sure it wasn't mob induced."

"Yeah, well it wasn't," She bit out, her body shaking with pint up emotion. It seemed that no matter how many tears she cried, her eyes always seemed to water. She was accustomed to the blurry sight. The one time she needed to have the upper hand, she had turned into a crying, hysterical mother. She scoffed at herself. A crying, hysterical mother who should have sucked up her damn tears and fought harder.

Slowly, the door cracked, a smiling Lucky peering inside, "Are you decent?" He joked lamely, knowing that she was.

"I brought you some real food," He announced allowing the door to swing completely open, his smile faltering when his eyes landed on Jason.

Placing the Styrofoam container on the table in the corner of the room, he took, what had become his permanent spot, beside her bed. "Is he upsetting you?" He questioned, placing a feather light kiss to her temple.

She momentarily savored the closeness of him, before he turned his attention to Jason. "Lucky, its fine."

"What are you doing here?" Lucky demanded, clearly ignoring what she had said, his harsh voice foreign to her ears.

"I just wanted to check on Sam," he answered, his blue eyes searing her with his intense stare, before averting his gaze to the other man, "Obviously she is."

Lucky looked down at her, a small smile on his lips meant only for her. She returned the smile with a broken one of her own, her eyes snapping to Jason as her foggy mind processed movement.

The anger radiating off both men caused her to grit her teeth. Both looked as if they were ready to attack when the need might arisen.

"She's fine," Lucky ground out.

"I just wanted to make sure it wasn't mob oriented. I thought Sam might need protection.

Lucky's gray eyes narrowed, "If that were the case I would have organized for her to have an officer with her at all times."

Jason tensed more, if that were even possible, "You know that the PCPD is nothing compared to the violence of the mob."

Lucky nodded, "Then you should leave. If you're so worried about Sam, why are you risking her life by being here?"

Jason didn't respond, as grab his discarded jacket, tugging it on.

"I don't need you to protect me from each other," Sam cried out, "both of you just leave. I can't handle watching this immature ego battle you guys have going."

"It's fine," Jason stated, his voice rough and monotone, "I'm leaving." Within seconds, the door was closing behind him.

"Sam," Lucky whispered, his hand coming up to touch her face.

"Lucky, don't. Please," She quietly objected.

"Sam, I was just…" He trailed off, "I'm afraid of loosing you to Jason."

A bitter laugh, that made even cringe, sounded from her. "Lucky, I just lost a damn baby. I even had a name picked out, as crazy as that sounds. I just, I knew that it was going to be a girl. And all you think about is competing with Jason?!" She asked, incredulous, "I'm not Lizzie. I don't need two men begging at my feet. I will be who I want to be with. And if that so happens to be Jason, then I would never string you along, same goes for Jason. But right now love is the least of my problems. I'm in a hospital bed with a gunshot wound and a dead fetus."

"I know how bad you're hurting…" He trailed off, her harsh voice interrupting him.

"Do you really Lucky?"

"Sam, you know I wanted nothing more than to build life for you and this baby."

She shook her head, "Well there is no baby. So go back to flocking over Lizzie."

His mouth opened, then closed, "Sam…don't shut me out. You need me now."

She laughed sarcastically, "No, Lucky I don't. What I need is to stop being a constellation prize between you and Jason."

"Sam…" His voice was low, a slight hint of emoting.

"Leave." She commanded.

His hand came up to dry tears she hadn't been aware she had been crying, but she slapped his hand away.

"Lucky, leave!"

He nodded, pursuing his lips, tears forming in his gray eyes. "Okay, if that's what you want."

"It's what I need."

"Don't forget I'm here if you need me," He whispered quietly, each step he took towards the door make Sam that much number. It wasn't until the door opened, and the bright light from the hallway illuminated her room, did she realize what she had just done.

Helplessly, she curled up into a ball, and allowed the sobs to overtake her.


	13. Chapter 13

-1Sullenly, Sam sat in her room, wrenching her hands, and eagerly awaiting her withdrawal forms. She would be leaving the hospital completely healthy except for her bullet wound.

Her baby, however, wouldn't even have a funeral. The little one hadn't even had the chance to experience love, life, happiness, sadness. And here she was about to be blessed with a second chance. When her baby hadn't even had her first.

A small weep emitted from her. She hadn't stopped crying since she had been checked into the hospital. During the occasional moments she had, her thoughts always betrayed her. Fantasies of Lucky interacting with her baby overwhelmed her. Him holding her, rocking her, feeding her. All Lucky. Rarely, Jason would replace Lucky, and her long ago faded dream of having a family with him would resurface.

Either way, in all the memories she would never make, her baby had been loved. Whether by Lucky, Jason, or just her.

"Sam…" the hesitant voice brought the presence of Jason to her attention.

She smiled slightly, despite her tears. "Hey," she responded quietly, "what are you doing here?"

He shuffled from foot to foot, obviously having difficulty forming a decent response. She wasn't even quite sure she wanted him to answer. Whether it be an admission he still cared, or that the realization he had actually saved her, touched her again repulsed him.

She tensed, her eyes closed, preparing herself for the impact his words would have on her. His hands began to shake as he reached up to wipe his face nervously.

"I heard you were checking out today, and I just wanted to make sure you got home safely."

Her mouth formed a silent oh, trying to comprehend what his words meant. He cared in his own Jason way. As much as he was capable of these days. He was so different than her Jason had been. He used to smile, laugh, be alive. Now he had a son he couldn't claim, a bitch of a girlfriend.

She seemed to agitate him sometimes, but Jason stuck around. That's what he did. That is until things got too hard or intense.

She nodded at his response. "Thanks."

"Sam, I'm sorry about what happened the other day. Lucky and me fighting over you was the last thing you needed."

Surprisingly his apology seemed authentic. For a instant, she thought that maybe the world had stopped. That Jason was still…dear she say…human.

"I know, Jason. You and Lucky are both great men." She meant it. The new Jason was far from it. But the Jason he was now, her Jason was.

Jason shook his head, "No, Sam. I'm anything but. We both know that,"

Sam was just about to disagree when Patrick entered, her withdrawal papers in his hands. She swallowed thickly, the fact that she would be leaving without her baby causing more tears to well in her eyes, if that were even possible.

"Now Ms. McCall, whenever you're ready you can change back into your street clothes. Just place your gown on the bed and we'll take care it."

Stiffly, Sam nodded. Patrick offered a small smile to the saddened couple, before leaving Sam to grieve. Jason turned to follow the doctor to give Sam her privacy. He heard a muffled cry, her hands shaking as she fumbled with the tie of her gown.

"Do you want some help?"

Her shoulders tensed at the offer. To have Jason's hands on her bare flesh again. Not only that, but he was her Jason, for right now at least. The one who had given himself to her, who had promised her a life. The new Jason she could handle touching her. She would be able to shrug it off as another responsibility. Now, if he were to touch her, there wouldn't be any excuses to hide behind.

Hesitantly, she nodded. Her chin quivered, as she felt his fingers graze the bare skin of her back for an instant. Carefully, he undid it, and she allowed it to fall from her body. She swallowed, the idea of him seeing her nude again causing her entire to body to shake.

She hid her face from his view, allowing her hair to form a curtain around her face. Silently, Jason rummaged through her pile of clothing and found her undergarments. She shivered at the thought of having his calloused hands touch her body, even if it was just a friendly gesture. Friends. They weren't even that. They were…nothing.

The man who she had once built her life around, was now the one she always went out of her way to avoid. Until that night with the pain, emptiness, loneliness, and self-disgust.

She shook her head, her voice barely a whisper, "I can do it,"

He seemed concerned, and for a minute she thought he was about to object. His mouth opened to form the words, she could make it out as his lips formed them. Then, as always, he clamped his mouth shut to avoid saying things they both needed to be said. The door shut with a quiet snap, and Sam was left to dwell on the events of the past few days.

Those hands, rough and painful as they battered her. That rain as it had chilled her bruised body. Those blue eyes gazing at her with such love. The unyielding concern and love from Lucky.

Numbly, she struggled into her clothing, the feel of them on her chilled flesh unwelcome. The goosebumps on her arms were a sign of life. Something she shouldn't have. She should be dead, under ground. Anything but safe in this room. Not when her baby wasn't.

The door swung open slowly, revealing a very stoic Jason. Of course. Even a small hint of affection directed towards his lying whore of an ex would disgust him. Jason Morgan didn't have weak moments. He didn't love, care, or give anymore. He took, hurt, and hated.

His new obligation was Liz and Jake. Sometimes she let herself contemplate whether they were really an obligation, or if he actually cared for them. The idea hurt more than she would ever admit.

It was obvious though. He loved her, it might not be passionate or unconditional, but he did. It may even be strictly built on Jake, but it was defiantly there. It didn't matter what kind or if it was lasting or not. It didn't matter that the potential love of her life had moved on. Her Jason was dead. This one loved the woman she had hated the most. The woman that had broken Lucky's heart. The woman who had ripped away his son.

Jason and Lucky. Both men who had claimed to love her. Both men who had left her. Both men who didn't seem able to forgive her, despite having forgiven Liz countless times. If it had been a few months ago, she would told them both to stay out of her life. Now, she was a reminisce of who she used to be. She wasn't determined or hopeful.

Why would she be? Liz had been able to give both men she had loved the one thing she never could. She had given Lucky a son, biological or not, Cameron was his. And then proceeded to also provide Jason with one.

The sudden warmth of Jason's hands around hers snapped her back to the cruel reality, where her thoughts were true. Where her babies were dead, and she was undeserving of Lucky.

Her eyes met his. The warmth she saw contradicted the anxiety wafting off of him.

She slipped her hands from his, shaking her head. "Jason, I'm fine. Please just…leave," she pleaded.

"Sam…"

She shuttered in pure disgust at the sternness of his tone.

"I'm not a child," she insisted.

"I know. Sam. I just. I care," he struggled to answer.

The recognition that he didn't hate her shocked and disgusted her. The events of the night he had found her rushed through her mind. Liz showing up, him being cruel toward the woman who had given him the greatest gift. It didn't matter how many lies she told, he claimed to love her. It might have been different if he openly hated her. But he had told the lying whore he loved her. Therefore practically forgiving her, and welcoming her back with open arms. No matter how much she hated her. She would never wish what Jason had done to her on any other woman. Not even her

He shouldn't be there with her, offering his comfort. He should be spending time with his son, or trying to find a way to be with Liz publicly without bringing danger to them.

She shook her head, still lost in her own mind. "No, Jason. Go. Go home. Call Liz. Check on Jake. Be the man you used to be,"

Forcing herself to not acknowledge the pained look etched on his face, she headed towards the elevator. The doors closed in unison with her knees buckling.


	14. Chapter 14

-1The cane did nothing to dull the pain in her leg, and for that she was both thankful, and disgusted. Her dry hands fumbled with her keys, struggling to insert it into the knob. Just as she was about to unlock it, the door swung open, revealing a very disheveled Alexis.

Moisture gathered in the older woman's eyes. "Sam, what happened?" She asked, motioning towards the destroyed living room, and the dried puddle of blood.

Sam felt as if she were choking, breathing suddenly becoming nearly impossible. He was gone. Not dead. Alive. "I. Mom," was all she managed before she broke into sobs.

Her mother wrapped her in her arms, shielding her from her own mistake. It was her fault. She should have fought harder, should have worked out more. Because of her not only had she added yet another sexual partner to her list, but had also murdered her own child.

"Mom…I killed my baby."

She felt Alexis' sharp intake of breath, and immediately pulled away. "You hate me, don't you?"

"No, Sam. I don't," she sighed, "I just wish you would come to me. I haven't heard from you in nearly a month. Neither has Maxie or Nikolas. We are all worried. But where ever did you get the idea you killed your baby? Since when do you have a baby?"

"Mom…" she explained every excruciating detail to her mom. The utter disgust she felt that night. The self-hatred at ever considering aborting, and then finally how she killed her own child.

"Sam, baby, it wasn't your fault. But I can assure you that that bastard will be hunted down."

"Mom, please don't do anything drastic. Molly and Kristina need you."

A tiny, mischievous smile played on Alexis' lips, instantly a look of guilt taking its place.

"Mom, you can smile," Sam murmured, "I need to know the ones I love are happy. I don't want you to put your life on hold for me."

Reluctantly the smile returned. "Let's just say, I have a few new connections…"

Despite herself Sam felt a small twinge of a smile, remaining silent and patiently waiting for her mom to continue.

"Mac and I are together…" she trailed off, obviously feeling accountable for having found happiness when her daughter's was recently ripped away.

Sam's tiny hands took hold of her mother's. "Mom, I want you to be happy. And Mac…wow. He's a good guy…I just. I never imagined."

"Me either," Alexis inhaled sharply, causing Sam to tense, "There's more," another sharp inhale, "Mac wants to adopt you. I know it's a huge decision, and Mac and I have agreed to not push. But, he loves how close you and Maxie are…and I suppose, despite hardly having spent hardly anytime with you, he loves the influence you have on her."

"Mom…I can't," the statement brought tears to her eyes. Knowing she could have a father, but not having the strength to accept what her baby had been denied.

"Sam…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned it so soon."

Frantically, Sam shook her head. "No, its not like that. I would love to…its just that…my baby."

The gentleness of her mom's touch as her hand splayed across her cheek was nearly unbearable. Her chin began to quiver.

"Its okay. I understand. Just think about it. Please."

All Sam could do was nod, afraid if she did anything more she would start crying again. Her attempt was soon ruined, as the door opened, a very concerned Lucky on the other side.  
Alexis looked at the previous young couple, and took it as her cue to leave. "Sam, I have to pick Kristina up from school…but if you need me, call me."

Sam merely nodded, her eyes not once leaving Lucky's. The soft sound of the door barely registering in her mind, her gaze moved to the spot her mother had just been occupying.

Lucky cleared his throat. "Sorry. If I had known…I wouldn't have stopped by."

Sam forced a weak smile. "It's fine, Lucky."

His grayish blue eyes studied the blood smeared, ransacked room. He visibly winced. "He's gone," he stated the obvious, causing an involuntary shiver to run up her spine.

Once again, she nodded.

He shook his head, as if deep in thought. "You should stay with me," her mouth opened to object, but Lucky immediately stopped her, "Just until we know you're safe," again she attempted to disrupt, "Or at least until we can get this place cleaned up."

"Lucky…thanks."

He just smiled. "Come on, lets get out of here. This place freaks me out."

She headed towards her bedroom, obviously to pack some belongings.

"No," he ordered gently, "I want to spend as little time here as possible. I have sweats you can wear to bed. I'll come by tomorrow to pack your things. There is no way you stepping one foot in here alone."

"I can't stay with you forever, Lucky. I eventually have to come here."

He smirked, "If you insist on returning, I will be coming with you."

She narrowed her eyes, but didn't protest when he took hold of her hand, and guided her out of the apartment.  
Without warning, she stopped, Lucky's body colliding with her own. He looked at her questionably.

"I just, I. Lucky," she trailed off, not sure how to word it without actually saying it, "Thank you."

He smiled, his hand grazing her cheek. Though he never voiced a response, that simple action meant everything.


	15. Chapter 15

The familiarity of Lucky's apartment brought Sam comfort, as she collapsed onto the couch. Immediately, Lucky was in the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with a cup of coffee. The gesture was a painful reminder what they used to be.

He smiled warmly at her, handing the warm drink to her. She smiled, taking a small sip to test its temperature before placing it on the inn table. Then the situation returned to her mind, taking away any sense if comfort she had seconds before.

"We should call the police," the statement surprised even her. Call the police. That was the last thing she had wanted Jason to do, yet it seemed like the only reasonable option, given the situation.

Lucky shook his head, "Not until we figure out what is going on for ourselves. Calling the police would only fuel the fire more."

Sam closed her eyes, willing the images of the recent days from her already scarred mind. The couch shifted with Lucky's weight, the warmth wafting off of him returning some of her previous comfort. Not much as she would have liked, but it was enough. Just knowing she was here, in his home. That she was still welcome in his life.

Especially when she shouldn't be. She should have died that night. At least then she wouldn't have the memory of how it felt when he rammed inside her. She rubbed her thighs together at the thought. The physical pain was still there. Though, it had been forgotten within the past few hours. Each step she took felt as if she were being torn apart.

His finger gingerly ran across the outline of her cheekbone, his breath blowing a few stray tendrils of dark hair away from her face. Slowly, she turned towards him, revealing her watery eyes to his concerned gaze.

Her lips lightly brushed his so quickly it wasn't even a kiss. Just a simple lingering touch that left her entire body tingling. He smiled sadly at her, before pulling her into his warmth of his embrace.

The caring gesture triggered her unstopping tears, which quickly turned into breath stealing sobs. She clung to him, fearing that if she didn't he would disappear.

Lovingly, his fingers tangled in her hair, massaging her scalp.

"Lucky, make love to me," the words left her as a long breath.

She felt him tense against her, as he started to pull away slowly. Urgently, she strengthen her hold. "I know I hurt you really bad. And I'm sorry. But please, just please help me forget. You don't have to love me…just please."

He relaxed against her. "Sam, I don't want to just make you forget. When we finally decide to take that step again, I need to know it's about us. I don't want to make the same mistake we did the first time."

Another sob, more intense than the others, forced itself from her already exhausted lungs.

His hands moved from her hair to her back, drawing soothing circles there.

"I'm sorry…" she murmured.

Pulling away, he brushed a tendril of unwashed hair from her blotchy face. "Don't be." Soothingly, he urged her to lay down with him. Helplessly, she relents and splays her body atop his.

Instantly, she heard his breathing even out. She snuggled into his loosening embrace as sleep won him over. "I love you," she murmurs, and for a split second his arms tighten around her, before his last bit of consciousness disappears.

It wasn't long before she allows sleep to overcome her. For the first time since that painful night, she doesn't see his ugly face when she closes her eyes.

* * *

Lucky slowly opened his eyes, the light burning his tired eyes. They had forgotten to turn them off, and he hoped it wouldn't wake Sam.

She stirred slightly, before snuggling deeper into him. He brushed a strand of brunette hair from her serene face. "I love you too," he whispered.

He felt her smile through the thin material of his shirt. He looked down to catch a better glimpse of her, but was surprised to see her eyes still closed.

He smiled to himself, silently wondering how he had become so lucky. Despite, the numerous accusations against Sam, he found it nearly impossible not to love her. He didn't remember a time he never did. The destructive love he had shared with Liz wasn't anything in comparison to the pure emotion he felt, as Sam's peaceful breathing tickled his neck.

Her sudden movement pulled him out of his thoughts, as he met her half opened chocolate eyes. She smiled. "How long have you been staring at me?" She questioned, her tone teasing.

He shrugged, "since I woke up."

She sighed, before she once again lost the battle against sleep. Even though his body was stiff from holding her all night, he didn't care. He was content on memorizing her every feature.


	16. Chapter 16

Sam sighed, as she entered Kelly's. After Lucky had left for work, she couldn't bare to be in his apartment alone. Not when the memories of them taunted her no matter what room she was in.

The ringing of her cell phone caused her to jump. She hated how everything seemed to startle her now. She relaxed instantly when she saw Lucky Spencer on the screen.

Smiling, she greeted him. "Hey, sexy!"

She heard his sharp intake of breath, and immediately she panicked. "Liz is in the hospital," he trailed off, his voice shaking, "I really need you here."

She swallowed thickly, a strong wave of jealously overtaking her. "Okay."

Then the dial tone met her ears, and tears pricked her eyes. Liz was in the hospital, and he has run to her.

* * *

She caught sight of him slouched over in a chair. "Lucky…?" she whispered.

His head snapped up, his teary eyes connecting with her own. She forced a smile, before sitting in the chair next to his. His large immediately engulfed hers, pulling her desperately against him. His shoulders were shaking slightly, as he attempted to hide his sobs in her shoulder.

She clenched her eyes shut, forcing her own doubts and insecurities away. He loved her, and she had to respect that. She couldn't bare to entertain the possibility of it being Jason in here. Still it hurt, knowing that Liz would always have a part of him reserved strictly for her.

He pulled away, pressing his forehead to hers. "I'm sorry…," he mumbled.

She shook her head, "no. You don't have any reason to be."

He smiled sadly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"What happened?" She asked quietly, wiping away a few stray tears from his perfect face.

He let out a shuttering breath, tickling her face and neck. "She was shot…" he paused for a short moment, "she's in surgery now. They don't know if she will make it."

Immediately, all her own insecurities were pushed aside, as she beckoned Lucky back into her arms. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, hoping she brought at least half the comfort he had brought her last night.

"Sam," he extracted himself from her, drying her unknown tears, "Cruz and Mac think that the same man who…" he shut his eyes, "was the same one who shot Elizabeth."

She nodded, the words bouncing off the walls of her mind.

"We're not sure if it was to get to Jason or me," suddenly, she was pulled flush against his shaking, muscular abdomen, "I swear if Jason comes near you or her…"

As if on cue, Jason appeared, his breathing ragged. He sunk down into the other seat beside her.

* * *

Lucky watched as Sam naturally turned her attention to the other man temporarily. "Jason…" the love he heard in her tone hurt him more than the thought of loosing Elizabeth did.

As if sensing his thoughts, she placed one of her hands atop his, yet her focus remained on Jason.

"I don't know what to do, Sam…" he trailed off, burying his face in his hands. Then he was on his feet, pacing, and "damnit!" His fist slammed into the concrete walls numerous times, before Sam hurried to his side, gently taking his trembling fists into her hands.

He forced himself to remain seated. He knew that Liz was his ex, and he would always be there. However, he was hypocritical, and he wanted nothing more than to shove the bulkier man into the wall, and demand him to stay away from the only two women he had ever loved.

Robin entered the waiting room, and Lucky forced his jealousy towards Jason away. Jason's tear brimmed eyes met his from across the room. In that moment, the love radiating off him was undeniable.

"Elizabeth just got out of the OR, and seems to be stable for now," she smiled sympathetically at Sam. The meaning did not go unnoticed by Lucky.

He felt a substantial amount of guilt when he realized how hard this must be on Sam. Having to comfort the two men she loved because of the potential loss of the woman they had both chosen over her at one time.

Robin left the three grievers to themselves. Right after she was gone, Lucky strode over to Sam, and pulled her into his arms.

"Sam…" he could feel goose bumps arise on the sensitive flesh of her neck, "I want you to know that this, in no way, affects last night."

She pulled away, forcing him to release her. "Its fine, Lucky. It really is. I've been really…needy the past few days. Your ex-wife, the mother of your child…" she choked on her words, "the love of your life might be dying. It's understandable."

Lucky's eyebrows drew together. That was defiantly not the way he expected her to react to his comment. "No. Sam. I meant what I said last night. I'm not sure if you heard it, but I meant it. I love you. I want to be with you."

Her tiny hands cupped his face. The action enticed a sense of comfort and acceptance. "Let's just focus on what is happening now. When we know the definite outcome of Elizabeth's recovery, we'll discuss it."

Although, her suggestion seemed reasonable, the only thing he could focus on was her lack of response to his declaration. Maybe, she didn't love him. She might have been dreaming of Jason. The way she had rushed over to him the second he arrived was proof that she had never stopped loving him.

He still loved Elizabeth, but not the way he used to. He was grateful for the boys she had given him, biologically or not. He respected her for all the things she has had to endure. He loved her for at one time having loved him; for teaching him how to give himself completely over to someone. Without her, he never would have been able to love Sam as much as he did.


	17. Chapter 17

Sam squinted, trying to focus on who was interrupting her sleep. Her entire body ached, as she unsuccessfully tried to maneuver herself back into a comfortable position in the cramped chair.

"Sam!" at the sound of Alexis' voice, her eyes snapped open, and she jumped to her feet.

She panicked. "What's wrong? Is it one of the girls? Mom…"

Her mom shook her head, pulling her into an embrace. "No. I just heard about Liz, and I thought you may need some company…"

She trailed off and Sam knew there had to be a catch.

"Sam…I think you should get checked out. You might be hurt," she stated, her voice and eyes pleading.

Sam tried to swallow over the sudden lump in her throat, her dry throat refusing to form a coherent response. A mumbled mom was the only that croaked out of her.

"Sam, please."

She shook her head mutely. "No," she whimpered.

"Sam."

She was thankful for Robin's questioning voice. She looked over at the other woman, silently thanking her for the intrusion.

"Liz wants to see you. I know she isn't your favorite person, but she just woke up. Try not to upset her, her situation is still critical."

She nodded, returning her attention momentarily to Alexis. The grief she saw there caused her to shiver. Silently, she followed Robin.

* * *

Liz's flawless, fair complexion was now a pasty yellow, her eyes carrying a misery she had failed to notice before.

She hung her head, disconnecting her eyes from Sam's. "I'm sorry," she whispered, tears falling onto her hands.

She wondered for what. There were so many things for her to apologize for her, but Sam couldn't justify responding with a harsh accusation. Not when this mother, this ex-wife, daughter, friend could die. She may not mean anything to her, may have torn everything away from her. But she was special to someone, and someone was special to Liz. Even if it was Jason and Lucky it was reason enough to keep quiet.

"For what," she responded, her voice equally quiet.

The other woman's throat convulsed. "The way I reacted when I saw you at Jason's." Her head raised, her eyes searing her own with their contradicting emotions. "I just. When I saw you…" she trailed off, "it hurts to know that he still loves you."

Sam attempted to object, but Liz was quick to stop her.

"Don't deny it. Both you and I know it. Lucky knows it and it is slowly destroying him, because he knows you never stopped loving him either."

She didn't disagree with that, because it was true. Jason still had a large portion of her.

"And…" Liz's voice faltered, "I knew Sam. I know. No one told me. But that look in your eyes, those unshed tears. I knew, because years ago I used to see it every time I looked at my reflection. Sometimes I still do."

Sam was speechless. Her legs became shaky, forcing her to sit on the edge of Liz's bed. A soft sob shook the light haired brunette, and for once she didn't enjoy the sound. Suddenly, she felt guilty for all the harsh things she had ever said. Because they did have one thing in common. They both loved those two men down the hall. All the things they had done the last few months, wasn't meant to hurt each other. Not really. They both just wanted the attention of Lucky and Jason.

Sam smiled weakly, her hand moving to cover Liz's. The feel of her cold flesh tempted her to withdraw from the contact. She was still alive, still breathing, but everything about her soul was dead. Just like her own.

"What happened?"

She felt Liz tense beneath her touch, her breathing suddenly shallow. However, her mouth opened as she begun to tell her own story. One that mirrored Sam's.

"I was a teenager. Lucky and I were supposed to go the Valentine Day Dance. He stood me up for my sister Sara. I'm not sure if you ever met her. But she was gorgeous, a model. Everything I wasn't," her voice broke, "I went to the park. It was dark. I was alone, pouting over being stood up."

Tears formed in Liz's eyes. "I felt a gloved hand cover my mouth. I tried to scream at first, then I just gave in. The pain was excruciating."

Sam removed her hand from Liz's as if she had been burned. Her words got caught in her throat. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Surprisingly, Liz's hand momentarily trailed down her arm. "You don't have to share your story. I doubt even Lucky and Jason know the details. Lucky still doesn't know what exactly happened that night, and its been ten years. I don't think I'll ever be ready to tell him. I assumed telling you would be unbearable, but it wasn't. Because you know how it feels. The shame you feel, the dirt even after you have showered and scrubbed your flesh raw."

She mutely nodded, sobs smothering any coherent response she might have had, before she was drawn into Liz's arms. "I promise it does fade with time. Eventually you will be able to be touched by another man and not see his face."


	18. Chapter 18

It had been a week since Liz had been admitted to the hospital, and finally Lucky and Sam were back at his apartment. It had taken a lot of persuasion, but when Sam had doubled over in pain of putting so much weight on her wounded leg, he had relented.

Now, she was sprawled out on his couch, her hair still damp from the shower. He smiled softly, tucking a lone, dark strand of hair from her peaceful face.

"Lucky…" she whispered his name, and he felt his entire body buzz. Seeing her covered only by one of his dress shirts was driving him crazy. Her tiny red lace panties complimented her dark competition almost perfectly with his shirt riding up to reveal her lower abs.

Then his eyes moved to her upper arms and shoulders, the ugly bruises of that man's hands replacing his lust with an anger so intense he could almost taste it.

She stirred, her eyes slowly opened as she blessed him with the simple luxury of their chocolate color. She pulled herself into a sitting position, the shirt riding up just a tad bit more. He groaned inwardly.

Her small hand touched his arm lightly, her eyes showing concern. "What's wrong?" She questioned. "You don't have to stay here. You can go back to the hospital if you want."

He shook his head, moving out of the rang of her touch. Her face fell, tears gathering in her already pained eyes. Hesitantly, he moved close again, his fingers trailing along her thighs as his lips connected with hers.

She reciprocated, her tongue soft and gentle against his own. She seemed almost shy, when he took a moment to look at her, before proceeding to kiss along her jaw bone.

He felt her tense, and immediately pulled away. Tears were wetting her cheeks, her entire body rigged as she curled into a ball.

"Sam…" his voice was questioning, as he simply just sat there.

She shook her head, looking at the floor. "I just. Lucky, I can't," she whimpered, "I know I said…that I wanted," a quiet sob, "but, I can't. Not now."

He smiled sadly, beckoning her in his arms, giving her the option of rejecting the embrace. Instead, she clung to him, the salt of her tears wetting his bare chest.

"I'm here," he assured her, kissing the crown of her head, "I never should have gone that far."

She pulled away, wiping angrily at her tears. "No. Lucky it's not you. It's me. I've turned into some kind of blushing virgin. Something that I never was, or ever got to be. I used to be able to fuck whoever, whenever."

Lucky cringed at the verb. "No. Sam. You never were able to do that. Everyone you ever slept with cared about you, and you cared about them."

She sniffled, laughing bitterly. "I suppose no one clued you in on my past."

He shook his head.

"Well, Lucky I used to whore around."

He reached for her, wanting her to not to have suffer from the memories, and because he didn't want to know about all her painful experiences, but he didn't stop her.

"You know! I used to fuck men for money. I have no idea how many, I lost count after the second year. I'm a whore. For a while I thought that maybe I wasn't any more. Then that night happened…" she trailed off, sobs preventing her from continuing.

Despite her struggle, he pulled her against him, rocking her as she cried. Her long nails scratched along his upper abs, as she clawed and clung to him, attempting to resist yet giving in.

"I'm sorry, Lucky. So sorry." Her voice wasn't even a whispered, but he could make out the words as her lips brushed against his chest.

"Sam. Don't be. You have no reason."

She shook her head, as she once again fought against him. "I can never give you a baby now. I've been touched by so many. Now you know who I really am. You can finally admit you just used me, that I was just another good fuck."

More harsh than he intended, he took hold of her shoulders and shook her. "Stop using that word. Especially regarding us. Sam, I love you. It was more than that, and you know it."

Seeming to not hear him, she continued to absentmindedly rabble on. "Now I can't even do that anymore. I can't be touched anymore. What else can I give a man?"

He sighed, pulling her back into her arms. "I'm sorry Sam. I shouldn't have reacted like that. You have so much to offer. You are beautiful, strong, and smart."

He hoped she was able to register his words through her fogged mind. When she snuggled into his embrace, he knew she had. He pulled away, attempting to shift into a more comfortable position. Her grip tightened, her panicked eyes snapping up to his.

"Please," she whispered.

Tears blurred his vision, as he somehow managed to maneuver them into a laying position without having to release her. He didn't know who did this to her, but when he did he would deal with himself. A jail cell was too remorseful, as was a quick death from a bullet. He would suffer a slow, tortured death.

Images of tying him up, cutting his dick off inch by inch and forcing the bastard to eat danced through his mind.


	19. Chapter 19

Sam rested on her cane, the pain in her upper thigh nearly unbearable. She felt an arm wrap around her from behind and smiled.

"You really shouldn't put so much weight on your leg," he whispered.

She shivered at his proximity. She mumbled a protest under her breath, and Lucky chuckled lightly into her neck. She smiled, and allowed herself to be led back to the couch.

"I'm not helpless you know," she protested jokingly.

Sighing, he sat down beside her. His hand ran loving over her cheek. "It is okay for you to depend on other people."

She looked away, unprepared for the sudden turn of the conversation. "I've been really needy the past few days, and you have been so understanding. But with Liz in the hospital, I think its time for me to just suck it up."

He smiled slightly at her. "Sam, you haven't been needy. You were just hurt…in the worst way a woman can be. You have actually been really strong considering the situation."

"Yeah…"

"Sam, its okay for you to need someone."

"I don't need you," she whispered, not realizing the meaning until it left her lips. It was a lie. But after having been thrown out of his house and the pain she had felt, she couldn't go through that again. "Like I said at the hospital you love Liz, and its okay. All I ask is that you stop pretending with me…its just making things worse."

He opened his mouth to protest or worse agree when his phone went off. Sam pressed her lips together, trying to keep the sobs building up in the back of throat from escaping.

"Its okay," she assured him, cursing herself for the small trimmer in her voice.

He looked at her doubtfully, but took a moment to look at the caller idea. His breath hitched, and with shaking hands he answered. His eyes widened, tears making his gray blue eyes appear brighter.

He hung up with a look of guilt and desperation. "Liz is critical. She went into a seizure and they think she might have brain damage. They aren't exactly sure what happened. She doesn't remember it all."

She took of his shoulders and pushed him gently upwards. "Go. I understand. I'd do the same thing for Jason."

His throat convulsed, and she knew that the mention of his name got to him. "I know…" He stood to leave, but hesitated. "I really don't think you should be alone. Jason it there with her. If you need me to stay…"

"Go," she quietly ordered.

He sighed. "At least let me call Alexis."

She shook her head, running a hand through her already mused hair. "No. Go. Liz might be dying."

He nodded, obviously relenting. "Promise me you'll call her."

She nodded, and he hesitantly took a couple steps backward, his eyes still on her.

He turned to leave. "Lucky…just for the record I don't love Jason anymore. I'm sure why I felt the need to let you know. But I don't."

He smiled despite the situation. "I don't love Liz anymore…at least not that way. She is the mother of my children, and she will always be a big part of my life."

With that, the door closed behind him, and she was left to dwell on the loss of her child, and the feeling of being rammed into over and over.

She shivered, and reached for her cell phone.

* * *

Alexis came in without knocking. Startled, Sam jumped up, wincing at the sudden impact on her leg. Her mother's eyes grew wide with concern, and she rushed to her side to aid her into lowering onto the couch.

Sam smiled. "Where are the girls?"

Alexis returned her smile and placed her hand over Sam's. "I wanted to talk to you. I want you to know that I'm here. That you're not alone in this. I know I've been busy with your sisters, but I love you. And I'm sorry for not noticing sooner. You always keep in contact…and I should have reached out to you sooner."

Sam placed her hand atop her moms, sandwiched it between her own. "I love you, mom."

Alexis gently cupped her daughter's chin. "Sam, talk to me. I know something is bothering you."

She swallowed over the sudden lump in her throat. "Mom…I still love Lucky, but Jason is always there popping up. I told Lucky that I didn't love Jason anymore, but when I let myself think about it I realize that I never stopped. But its not the same as it was before. Maybe if he hadn't lied and I hadn't put his son in danger…maybe. But it happened. Right now they are both at the hospital with Liz, and I know its selfish and absurd for me to be jealous of a dying woman. But I am."

"Sam, your only human. Its okay to feel insecure and to need someone."

She laughed bitterly. "That's what Lucky said to. Yet, whenever the hospital called, he left."

"Sam, I'm sure he offered to stay. If you needed him you should have told him. He cares about Liz, that's to be expected considering their past. But he wants to be with you, he loves you. Its obvious in the way he looks at you. You just have to let him."

"Asking him to stay would have been selfish, and he would have another reason to resent me."

"Sam, it wouldn't have been selfish. It would have been human. Its okay to be selfish."

"Mom, Liz is laying in a hospital dying. The last thing I should be is jealous. I mean she might die, those boys might loose their mother. She shared her story with me, and in that moment I respected her. And I still do. Which only makes this situation worse. But I also hate her for everything she has and everything she has been able give Jason and Lucky."

"Honey, that's normal."

"Don't feed me that human shit, Mom. She told me her story, in excruciating detail. I could almost see it happening. The difference is she was a child, and I'm an adult. I hate myself for hating her."

"Sam…" was the only thing Sam heard, before her sobs finally escaped as she was embraced by her mother.

"Lucky loves you. Jason does too…in his own way." She pulled away and brushed some hair from her face, "and so do I."


	20. Chapter 20

Sam shifted on the couch, wincing when her upper thigh rubbed the plush cushion the wrong way. Tears stung her eyes when she looked at the clock and realized that Lucky had been gone for a little under two hours.

She heard a low rustling, and her entire body tensed. Timidly, she reached towards her phone, but when she heard the cry of an infant she froze. She looked up at the intruder, finally seeing her rapist without a mask. She shivered at the sight.

Her eyes ventured over to the toddler he had clutched by the wrist. Jake. She remained where she was, fearing that one wrong breath could cost Jake's or/and her life.

"Stand up bitch!" She jumped at the harsh volume of his voice, followed by the baby boy's sharp cry.

She did as she was told, wincing. "How…how are you alive?" she whispered.

He shrugged and smiled as if this were some game. "A few stitches here and there. Nothing drastic," he let out a low whistle as he looked her over, "you on the other hand seem to be pretty banged up."

She looked over at Jake and saw his tear stained cheeks. "Why is he here? He is innocent, and is no connection to me."

He chuckled darkly. "That's where your wrong, Samantha," violently he shook the boy, his grip on his wrist tightening, "your ex-boyfriend and worst enemy conceived this bastard, while you poor Samantha lost not only one, but two children. Here's your chance to rip away everything Liz loves, just as she has done to you."

"No!" she protested. "I will not hurt a child. Not again."

He clicked his tongue. "But you enjoyed it so much the first time."

"I won't hurt him!" she screamed, muted sobs barely making it audible.

He wet his bottom lip, looking her over. She shivered under his hungry gaze. "Would you rather this little bastard see you raped over and over, in the most arousing positions," he shrugged, "arousing for me anyway."

She took an unsteady step towards them, stopping when Jake let out a cry. "Jake, sweetie, it's going to be okay," she assured him.

Her eyes snapped to the monster. "Why are you doing this? Why did you drag him into this?" she begged, "I didn't do anything to you! Neither did he. He's a little boy, please. Just please let him go."

"Fair enough. Sounds like a reasonable request, and it can be granted. You just have to do one thing…"

"What is it, I'll do it."

"How can you be so sure?" he inquired.

"I just am."

He sighed. "Miss McCall you have proven yourself to be strong physically, but emotionally you are pathetic. Let's see if that can be changed."

A mind numbing scream cut through the already eerie atmosphere. A sense of hope washed over Sam at the sound.

"Don't get your hopes up, dear Samantha. We sound proofed these walls months ago."

"How did you know I would be here?"

He smiled. "_Lucky_ guess I suppose."

A struggling Robin was thrown onto the carpet in front of her by a masked man, a pink bundle nestled in his arms. It wasn't until then that Sam completely panicked. There was no way she could get them all out of their safe. Even without an injured leg it would have been impossible.

But when she caught sight of a finger nail file, she knew she had to at least try.

"Here's your chance, Samantha. All you have to do is kill the bitch who always seemed to have a connection to Jason. A connection you always craved."

"How do you know all this stuff?" she screamed.

"I have my connections. Make a decision before I make one for you."

"I don't know," she sobbed "I can't."

"It's simple, really. Don't make it so complicated Samantha. Its either your ex's bastard of a baby, or the bitch that got blessed with the two things you could never have, all of Jason's love and a baby girl."

"You said I had another choice,"

He nodded slowly. "Yes, I did."

She clenched her eyes shut. "Go ahead," she whispered. When he failed to move toward her she screamed, "Just fucking do it!"

Jake let out a loud yelp as he hit the carpet, the bulky man took wide steps towards her. Robin crawled over to the crying boy, and hid his eyes in her chest.

Eyes still shut, she heard him unsnap his jeans. With an angry sob, she inserted the small metal blade into his left temple. A shrill cry filled her ears, and her eyes snapped open at the sound. The other man was right in front of her, and there was a small blood stain on the floor where he had dropped Emma.

The man grabbed her arm, and drug her out of the room.

* * *

Robin ran to her daughter, her fingers wet with blood after she ran her fingers through her thin curls. The haunting silence was quickly filled with Sam's screams.


	21. Chapter 21

Robin's entire body felt numb as she stared down at her dying daughter. The only link she had left to authenticity were Jake's screams. She was tempted to tell him to shut the fuck up, so she could think logically for one second.

The bedroom door slammed opened, a half naked Sam stumbling out with a gun pointed to her head. The other brunette expression was surprisingly stoic. Wet blood trailed down her inner thighs as well as her side.

Robin gasped at the steadily growing crimson stain on the right side of Sam's ribcage. The man winked at her. "This seems this might just be your lucky day, and mine too. You see…my brother told me I couldn't touch this tight pussy," his hand ran up her inner thigh, "now that he's dead she's all mine. And you get to live."

He walked towards her, his large, blood stained hands pulling Sam's hair. "But, darling, I'll be watching you, and if say a word…" he trailed off, slicing his hand through the air, before motioning to Emma. "If she isn't already dead."

They left the room. She heard a loud crackling of flesh followed by a small weep, before they reappeared. Sam was dressed in fresh clothing, and his gun was tucked discretely into her side. His hands were clean, but the stench of blood was undeniable.

He smiled. "If you would excuse us." His voice was sickeningly polite.

He moved towards the door, Sam wincing and struggling to keep up. Roughly, his fingers dug into her right side, and her mouth opened in a muted scream. "You stupid bitch, I thought I made myself clear! I can't be having you limping and shit after we leave. It'll make it obvious."

Robin looked down at her daughter, before slowly standing up. She saw the antique lamp Laura had given Lucky a couple years ago. Choosing each movement carefully, she reached for it.

The man's attention remained on Sam, the woman's screams escalating. It wasn't until Robin had a tight grip on the lamp that she realized his hand was underneath Sam's skirt. Fresh, bright red blood was trailing down the other woman's legs.

She took a deep breath, and swung the lamp. The glass bulb broke over his head. Angrily, he turned towards her. A knife fell from in-between Sam's legs, and Robin hunched over from nausea.

She barely had time to process the sound of the gunshot, before an intense pain spread throughout her lower abdomen. She placed her hands over the wound, feeling the warmth of her own blood. Her eyes widened as he aimed the gun towards Jake. She sunk to her knees, choking on her blood as it gathered in her mouth.

She watched helplessly, realizing there was no way to win. Then a small, bloody hand swiped through the air. The man screamed in pain, his attention returned to Sam.

"Fucking bitch!" He took hold of her shoulders and shoved her down onto the sofa. She saw the glint of glass in his eye, and realized what Sam had done.

The other woman was screaming, but it wasn't in pain this time. There was fear in her voice, pure fear. Her restrained body was angling in one direction, her eyes wide and silently begging her to look somewhere.

She forced herself to feet. Using, random objects for leverage, she fell down next to Sam's cell phone on the floor. She heard the sofa cushions shift, and looked over her shoulder. The man was trying to extract from Sam, but she was putting up what fight she could.

Quickly, he freed himself from her hold. His eyes were furious and full of promises of pain. She dialed the PCCP number frantically, preparing herself for anything he might do.

She heard his footsteps moving closer to her slowly. It was almost as if he was trying to give her some sick and twisted hope that she might have a chance.

Then he cussed, Sam's quiet shriek following.

She hit the send button, and pressed the phone to ear. "We need help," she sobbed into the phone. "I don't know what the address is! We are at Lucky Spencer's."

She hung up the phone, and turned to look at Sam. She was pinned beneath the man once again, and this time her hands were squashed against her sides, by his thighs. His actions seemed even more frantic than before, as he ripped his belt from its loops. She looked up at his face. It was set in a appalling grin, but there was also blood trailing down his cheek. Sam had shoved the glass farther into his eye.

She struggled to keep her breathing even, as she slowly moved towards the knife he had previously dropped. She looked over her shoulder, meeting Sam's eyes. She nodded.

The man became suspicious, but Sam was quick to regain his focus. "Fucking coward! You have me now! Fuck me, and fuck me good. Show me how much bigger than your brother you are!"

Taking the chance she had been given, she grabbed the knife. As soon as he processed her movement, he was on his feet, gun in hand. It wasn't pointed to anything in particular and she knew this was her moment, her only chance. She lunged forward, the knife embedding itself right into his heart.

She was praised with a moment of peace, before a gunshot penetrated her ears. Desperately, she crawled over to Emma. Surprisingly, she was awake and crying sharply. She looked over at Jake who was sitting in a tiny ball, silently crying.

Then she looked over at Sam, and let out a muted scream.


	22. Chapter 22

Robin started to crawl towards Sam, when the door busted open. Mac and Jesse both barged in, guns in hand. She glanced up at them, right before she fell to the ground.

Jesse pulled out his radio and requested an ambulance. He knelt down beside Sam, and brushed hair away from her sweaty face. She was covered in blood as was the floor around her.

* * *

Lucky and Jason sat in compatible silence as they waited for news of Liz's condition. A series of frantic voices cut through to tense atmosphere, but the only word that his conscious heard was Samantha McCall.

He glanced over at Jason. His blue eyes were large with fear. They both jumped up and hurried towards the chaos.

"We need oxygen."

"I think there may have been internal damage."

"Get them both into surgery NOW."

"The bullet hit a main artery."

"She's loosing too much blood."

"The baby has a concussion. The boy seems unharmed, but get him checked out just in case."

He froze when he caught sight of Sam. She was lying on a gurney, nearly her entire body was soaked in blood. Before he could even voice his questions, they were wheeling her out of the main room and into the OR.

Wordlessly, he followed them. He took a moment to glance back at Jason, and found him hurrying after Robin as they wheeled her into a separate room.

Matt Hunter gave him a sympathetic smile, before closing the door. "Wait! What's happening? Open the damn door. Sam!"

Vulnerably, he stared through the glass, watching as they shocked her body numerous times. He could barely make out little snippets of conversation.

"We're loosing her."

"We need to get the bullet out."

"We can't, she's already lost too much blood. The surgery will probably kill her."

"1..2..3" Sam's body shot off the bed.

His breathing became labored as he watched the horrifying scene. Her heart monitor was nothing but a straight line and her bee-stung lips were turning blue.

"Again. 1..2..3" He felt his knees weaken when her heart rate was registed on the screen.

He watched as Matt examined between her legs, and felt a sudden possessiveness. When he pulled his fingers from her womanhood, they were soaked in blood.

"There is major internal damage. It seems like she has been stabbed. The walls of her vagina are bleeding profusely, and the wounds are jagged."

He swallowed thickly. Alexis appeared at his side, her breathing coming out in short gasps. Her hands were clenching her stomach as heart shattering sobs racked her slender shoulders.

"What happened?" She whispered.

He remained silent, because he didn't know much, and the things he did he wasn't sure she could handle.

"What happened?" Her voice rose in volume.

Then alarms went off, and the curtain was drawn. Lucky pressed his forehead to the cool glass. "What the hell is happening? What is happening?" He slumped down onto the aluminum floor.

Hysterical, Alexis began pounding on the glass with open palms. "She's my daughter! I'm family. Do you hear me? I have the right to know what is happening. Tell me!"

Jason rounded the corner, and silently joined them at the curtain concealed glass. "Robin will be okay. The bullet didn't hit any main arties or organs. Emma has a slight concussion, and Jake is just fine."

Lucky's eyes snapped up to his. "Jake…?" His voice was low, as he forced himself to stand on shaking legs.

"He is fine."

"I need to check on him," he stated.

Lightly, Jason touched his shoulder. Lucky shrugged it off. "Sam doesn't need me. She would rather you be here, instead of with Jake. So, I'll go sit with him."

"Lucky, Sam needs you. She would want to be with you in her final moments."

Lucky's hands clenched into fists. "There aren't going to be any final moments. She is going to pull through this and…and we are going to have a family. And have joint custody of the boys with you and Liz."

Jason frowned, tears in his eyes. "I hope so." His hand once again came up to rest on his shoulder, and this time Lucky didn't flinch. He heard the other man sigh, and then he was gone.

"She is going to be okay, Alexis. She has to be. She's the only one who knows me and doesn't judge me."

The door opened, a shaken Matt exiting. "Her situation is very critical. She was stabbed in her vagina, but we have that under control for now. She is being examined for any internal damage now. The bullet missed her heart by a few inches, but the bleeding loss was excessive. We have managed to control the bleeding, but we need to perform surgery to remove it. However, with her situation being so critical we may loose her on the table. But if we don't do it we will defiantly loose her."

Alexis looked over at him. Her eyes were vast and lacked any emotion.

"Do it."

"We need you to fill out some paperwork."

"Matt, my baby girl is dying. Every second we are closer to loosing her. We don't have time for paperwork. Just do it!"

He nodded. "That'll be breaking protocol," he stated, but returned to the room anyway.


	23. Chapter 23

-1Each breath was excoriating. Lucky's eyes were fixated on the clock, following the second hand with each tick. The silent sound reverberated in his mind. The only other sound were Alexis' small gasps of air as she tried to force air into her lungs through her tears.

Matt entered the room, his eyes shining with tears. "I'm sorry. We lost her."

Lucky shot up, his body aching from his uncomfortable sleeping position. He ran his hands over his face, and shuttered. Just a dream. It was just a dream.

Then, Matt entered the room, and panic built up in the pit of Lucky's stomach. The doctor looked down at his still gloved hands, then back up at him.

"We managed to remove the bullet. Her heartbeat is steady, but she is still on oxygen," he pressed his lips together "there was a lot of internal damage from the stab wound. I know she was said to be infertile a few years back, but when she became pregnant she was apparently misdiagnosed. But, this time we are almost sure she won't be able to conceive. Almost doesn't mean she can't but it doesn't mean she can. It simply means we are trying."

"Can we see her?" Alexis asked weakly.

Matt looked over at her. "Family only."

Lucky clenched his fingers around the armrests. He heard the click of Alexis' shoes as she stood up.

"Sam would want him in there, too."

The young doctor seemed hesitant, but silently nodded.

Lucky's shaky legs protested when he stood. He followed Alexis into Sam's room. His breath hitched at the sight. She was so tiny and pale. There were so many chords and ivies.

His hand reached for hers, lightly brushing over her fingers. It felt the warm flesh twitch beneath his touch and smiled softly. He looked up at her face. Her eyes were still closed. At first the low beep didn't register. It wasn't until a group of paramedics rushed in and pushed Alexis and him out did he realize he may loose her. That this was real, and just because she was breathing now, didn't mean she would be tomorrow.

"Damnit!" He yelled, gripping the cold metal of one of the chairs and swinging it towards a wall.

He sunk to the floor, his head cradled in his hands as he began to sob. He heard a string of panicked orders and voices, but the beat remained. The long, never ending beat that signified Sam's life.

"Mom!"

He heard the panicked voice, and looked up. Kristina was hysterical as she pushed at her mom, demanding information.

"Why didn't you tell me Sam was hurt?" she screamed.

"Kristina, where's your sister and Mac? You're supposed to be with them."

The young girl let out a small, strangled sob. "Mom! What happened? Just tell me! Is she okay? She isn't dead…is she?"

Alexis began to answer, when the door swung open. The beep had been stopped, but the expression of Matt's face contradicted the silence.

"How is she?" Kristina whispered.

"Her heart rate is steady," he paused.

Perturbed, Lucky shot to his feet. "Just tell us!"

"Her situation is very serious. I'm not sure if she'll make it through the night."

Kristina let out a low yelp, and clung tighter to a crying Alexis. Lucky just stood there, not sure of what to do. Not sure how to breath or even exist without her.


	24. Chapter 24

**Ok. so this is my third attempt at writing this chapter, and I finally think I have done it justice and that it lives up to the standards so many people think this fic has...so here you go. **

His entire entity was numb. The only thing keeping him from slipping into his subconscious, and drowning in all the numerous potential outcomes of the situation was the rhythmic rise and fall of her breasts, under the thin cotton nightgown.

Bruises of multiple colors flawed her body. She was so frail, so tiny, and so unlike the stubborn and damaged woman he had met a little over a year ago. The one he had fallen in love with, regardless of the fight he had put up.

He had left her, left her for good reason. For endangering his children, but there weren't any circumstances in which she would deserve the cruel treatment he had given her right after.

He had trusted her, trusted her to love him and depend on him. To not lie to him like Elizabeth. And she had, and it had taken a tragedy to admit he had never stopped loving her. That day, when the truth of her attack had left her lips was still in his mind, replaying over and over.

He should have paid more attention, should have let go of the resentment sooner. She should have been tucked safely in his arms that night instead. This never would have happened if she had been.

He should have known that he would attempt to avenge his brother's death. He should have spent a little more time invested in the case, and been able to take down all three brothers instead of just one. He should have revaluated the evidence countless more times than he had.

Now, she was here, and for once she couldn't deny she needed him. Even though when she awoke he knew she would, but he wouldn't believe her. Even if it was true, he would stay until he was sure she was safe. Until the nightmares subsided, and until her apartment along with his were no longer crime scenes.

Her fingers twitched slightly, before her heavy-lidded eyes fluttered open. A grimace contorted her bruised face. He was immediately brushing hair from her forehead, her moist eyes peered up at him.

"Lucky, I hurt everywhere," she paused, her breath hitching when she choked out her next words. "I'm dying."

He shook his head and silently rested his forehead on their joined hands. He placed a feather light kiss on her thumb before looking up at her.

"No, you're not. There's still a chance," he insisted, the slight tremor in his voice giving away the truth of the situation.

Her mouth formed a slim line, and her eyebrows drew together. "Lucky, tell me the truth."

Her eyes were pleading for him not to lie to her or try to spare her. It had been the reason they had separated, and she didn't want it be his last memory of her. Neither did he.

So he told her, each word hurting him more as more tears clouded her whiskey colored eyes. "You need a blood transfusion, and the only match is Robin Scorpio, but with her HIV it isn't an option. Even if it was, her situation is still far too critical."

Her mouth formed a silent OH, and he could see the truth slowly bringing light to her clouded mind. This was real, and if she had to face, so did he.

"But, there's still a chance. I mean if Robin is a match, there has to be another in this inbred town," Lucky rushed to add.

Sam nodded sullenly. "How's Liz?"

His eyes averted from hers and onto her tiny hand clasped in his own. "There isn't anymore they can do for her. She might have a week, if that."

He could tell she wanted to question him further, but didn't in fear of a response he knew he would never give. He wanted to be here, wanted to be with her in her final moments.

"Where's my mom and sisters?"

"Just outside. Do you want to see them?"

He stood, but her grip on his hand tightened. She smiled weakly. "No, stay."

"I'm sorry, Sam. So sorry. You never should have gone through this. I should have…"

Her slender finger rested itself against his mouth, catching a single tear. "Don't. Not now. It wasn't your fault."

He nodded.

A wistful smile lifted the corners of her chapped lips. "You know right after you asked to father my baby I had this fantasy of you holding this little girl. You would tend to her when I was too exhausted or when I doubted my parenting ability. You would reassure me that I was a good mom, and during the boy's visits we would take all three of them on picnics. They would each take one of her chubby hands as she took her first few steps and lead her to the slide."

He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "You would have been a wonderful mom, Sam."

"Yeah…" she quietly agreed. "I think I might have been."

"You still can be. Just don't give up. Not yet."

She laughed softly. "Since when do I give up easily, Spencer."


	25. Chapter 25

It was 3:27 in the morning when Matt announced the time of her death. It was 3:28 when Alexis clutched her stomach and vomited on the waiting room floor. It was 3:29 when Kristina's tears, turned into ear piercing sobs, nearly loud enough to make it nearly impossible to hear the hospital staff give their condolences. It was 3:35 when Mac, Molly, Nikolas, Jason, and Maxie finally joined them

And it was 4:15 when they finally found another match, a little brunette girl with Sam's eyes, clutching the hand of a guilty looking young woman. It was 6:30 when Helena was arrested for the kidnapping of Lila Corinthos.

And it wasn't until midnight of the next day that Lucky Spencer allowed his tears to fall, as he destroyed everything in eye rang in the Windermere (sp?) mansion.

Nikolas simply just sat and watched, without any complaints of the destruction of his antique furniture. Even if he did, Lucky wouldn't have cared. His heart was completely numb, and he didn't realize he was crying until he ran a hand over his face.

He grabbed the last remaining knickknack and threw it against the wall, before crumpling to the floor. The sobs began to build up in his throat, once his rage subsided. He curled up into a ball, and allowed Nikolas to pull him into a tight embrace.

He never should have left her. Never should have gone to the damned hospital to see a woman who lied to him time and again. Never should have trusted Alexis to take care of his Sam. He should have known. He failed the only woman who was ignorant enough to still see him as her hero. He let out a bitter laugh, shaking off Nikolas.

His fingers curled into fists as he desperately searched for something else to destroy, anything to keep from turning to the bottle. When he failed to find anything, he didn't even try to fight it and grabbed a full bottle of whiskey out of Nikolas' personal bar.

"Lucky, Sam wouldn't want this for you."

"Fuck you, Nikolas. Sam wanted a lot out of me, that obviously I couldn't provide. She trusted me to save her…"

"She wanted nothing more than she knew you could have given."

He took a long drink from his bottle, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "That makes it even worse. I could have, and I should have. Instead I was too busy pining over Liz, and putting her first. She never knew that I loved her completely…"

"Lucky, you told her a lot."

"Yeah, but she didn't believe me. I should have made her believe."

The funeral was bittersweet as Sam's little girl placed a single rose on top of her mother's coffin. Despite of not having known her, Lila seemed to know how much her mother had loved her and began to weep quietly.

Lucky sat in the back of the church, wanting to be alone in his grieving. It wasn't until after her death that everyone began approving of the love he had shared with Sam. Until they finally realized what a wonderful woman she had been. But, he knew it was all out of guilt, and secretly they all hated him for being there and not by Elizabeth's bed side.

He watched Lila return to Sonny's side, and secretly made a goal of protecting that little girl from her father's lifestyle. He had already discussed it with Alexis, and he would be fighting Sonny for Lila, and in a few days Jason for Jake.

It was just a matter of time before his first love joined the love of his life in a place of pure bliss. He was brought out of his thoughts, when Alexis appeared at the front of the church, a smile threatening to turn into sobs.

"My daughter, Samantha McCall was a very loving woman. She was strong and loyal…it took me years to finally find her," she gave a halfhearted laugh "Actually she found me, I suppose. I'm glad she did. I only had a few years with her, and in that short amount of time she taught me that no matter the circumstances, there was always something to live for. And for that I envied her. She had to endure so many hardships to make it here to PC, and to find a family who loved her, and man who would have given his own life for hers."

Alexis' eyes landed on him, and he struggled to breath as she continued her speech. "But she did, and that's all that matters. She went knowing that people loved her, and that she would be missed. And she also gave us a small part of herself to cling to, a little girl. Lila had to go through a lot to be here today, and I think somehow Sam knew that and found away to bring her to us, and us to her." The middle-aged woman broke out into sobs, and murmured an apology before returning to her seat.

The rest of the service went by in a blur of tears as Kristina, Molly, Nikolas, even Jason Sonny and Carly, among many others stepped up to express Sam's importance to them. Many eyes turned towards him, and he knew it was his turn.

He cleared his throat when he was finally at the front of the small church. "As I'm sure all of you know, Sam and I weren't exactly to conventional couple. She was an ex con artist, and I was a cop. And despite that no one really understood why, I loved her. A lot of people didn't think she was worthy of me, but it was the complete opposite. She was strong, independent, and gorgeous even on her worst days. She made a lot of mistakes and never denied having done them. She was who she was and she accepted it, yet she always had self doubt. I hope that now, wherever she is, she knows how much she was loved, and how much she meant to me; to all of us."

Even after the coffin had been lowered into the ground, Lila remained at his side. Right after they had exited the church, she had wiggled from Sonny's grasp and ran over to him.

She looked up at him with those eyes; with Sam's eyes and smiled sadly at him; the simple expression was full of such trust and adoration for him. He vowed to himself and Sam that he would not let this little girl down, and that he would do anything to provide a loving home for her.

Sonny gave him a menacing glare, before his brown eyes softened when Lila clutched him even tighter.

His expression was suddenly pained and Lucky knew that he had just realized he had just found his daughter, only to loose her. And that in his own mobster, selfish way he loved his little girl, and wouldn't put up too big of a fight to keep her. For that Lucky was relieved, yet saddened by.

"Lucky, do you think Sam is happy?"

Lucky nodded. "Yeah, Lila I think she is."

He picked the child up, and searched the crowd for Alexis and her girls, so they could all leave together.

[i]The End[/i]


End file.
